The Official Website  for Carol Margaret Tetlow

8th  September ·

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

Well! It would be wrong to ignore the birthday of our lovely (if slightly grumpy -when we jump on her, that is) friend, Jester. Especially in the circumstances.....

She is 13 today. Two days ago she went into the garden and calmly vomited up a mugful or two of bright red blood! The peeps panicked. We examined the vomit - just trying to be helpful, you know...

The vet was summoned. Jester lay panting on the doorstep, a sad wag of her tail every now and then. We checked her regularly, prodded her nose with our paws and licked the female peep who was in a bit of a state.

Shortly before the vet arrived, the patient staggered across the grass and effortlessly (we have to admire her) brought up two heaps of stuff that was so revolting even we didn't want to go near it. She then lay down again and flapped her tail.

Enter the wonderful vet. We hid.....just in case. The patient lay quietly during the examination which revealed a tender tummy and a high temperature.

My goodness these vets earn their money! She ran her fingers through the vomitus and confirmed the diagnosis of...........undignified and indiscreet gobbling of a bunny rabbit! Mr Kipling must've brought it in as an early birthday gift.

So birthday cake might not be on today's menu as the patient is on antibiotics and a 'light diet' though seems unaffected by her scare. Meanwhile, the female peep is back in the darkened room, though the docs are confident of a recovery in a few months.

Thank you Yoredale Vets - we don't know what we'd do without you!

Love and licks Hector and Rufus xxxxxx

10th  September ·

The secret diary of Hector (top dog) and Rufus (second top dog)

Flushed with success after an evening at dog school where we actually managed to do some exercises correctly. Ms Vi Merana was wearing a huge apron, on the front of which was a large pocket, in which, Rufus quickly realised were dog treats of a particularly delicious flavour. Consequently he did develop a bit of a tendency to run over to her a lot, in the hopes that he might be rewarded, with mixed results. We liked the apron very much - it had embroidered cats on it but we got a shock when Ms Vi Merana turned around because she had forgotten to put any clothes on underneath! Well, it was a very warm evening......

Hector has been referred to Ms Vi Merana's best friend and German psychiatrist colleague, Herr Dale-Terrier for counselling as he refuses to let the female peep leave his side.

There have been curious goings on at home and our sofa has been removed, only to be replaced by a posh new one. It was self assembly. The female peep hadn't realised it was coming in quite so many bits..... The charming man on the YouTube video put his together in 10 minutes and 38 seconds.

We are very proud of the female peep who nearly did the same, taking only 2 hours and 33 minutes and losing 4593 calories in the process.

There is new paint on the walls too. Called English Trifle. We preferred Bone Beige and Jester voted for Rabbit Red.......

We have now had to swear that we will be good, not eat the cushions, not make a mess, not to get on when wet and not to include in our games of crocodiles......

I mean, just look at us. Do we look as if we'd do anything like that?

14th  September ·

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.....

In truth it wasn't just Rufus who was sent

To see psychiatrist Herr Dale Terrier

The female peep asked him to see us both....

She said 'the more the merrier...'

He welcomed us with open paws

His canines glinting in the sun

'How can I help you naughty boys?'

We cowered -this wasn't going to be fun.

'It's not us, it's Ben,' we assured him,

Emphasising our point with nodding heads

We just go to sleep like perfect dogs

'It's not us that eats our beds...'

He looked at us imperiously

And gazed into our eyes

He had started to

We felt our eyelids drooping

We were helpless to resist

He made us bare our very souls

We were under his spell ....get our gist?

'It's true that we've tried several things

Profits soared at Pets at Home

From duvets, vet bed, cosy rugs

And cushions full of foam.

'We become possessed by evil spirits

And have to chew, dissect and maul

Each time that we get something new,

Until it's gone, once and for all.'

He woke us with a snap of claws

And wrote down copious notes

'I have cured you boys, go home and smile

And take pride in your shiny coats.'

The female peep was happy,

She gave Herr Dale-Terrier a bone

And stopped to buy us brand new beds

'These are your very own.'

'You'll see they're very special

And cost a lot of money

So just you take good care of them

If you don't, it won't be funny.'

So, excitedly we went to bed last night

And curled up in the fleeces

But when we woke up eight hours on

They were in a millions pieces!

So, we have to go back to see Herr Dale-Terrier and we are taking Ben with us. Worse still, we have been banned from gravy bones for a whole day......

Love, licks and rather a lot of sobs, Hector and Rufus xxxxx

PS please send gravy bones

24th  September ·

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......smelling a rat, or something....

Call us suspicious but just what is that? See photo. When we first read it we thought it said Chow stopper and we thought that was very vindictive against chows and hoped there wasn't a version called labrador stopper.

Our ears have been akimbo as we have listened to the peeps discussing their latest purchase.

Apparently an experiment is to take place tonight! And we will be part of it! We can't wait to put on our lab coats and goggles.

This is what will happen. When we are dog-tired and yawning, we will stagger out to our hovel (they've not put the central heating on yet, very inconsiderate) and one of our beds (yet to be decided which one) will have a lovely new cushion in it (see other photo - yes it is on the cooker, for photographic purposes only, no, we don't have our beds warmed specially)........impregnated with the contents of the shown bottle.

We have it on good authority that just the merest attempt at destruction will result in us going 'ugh' and 'yuk' and 'bleah' and merely curling up in a neat ball and going to sleep for the whole night.

Will it work?

Results will be published tomorrow, so watch this space...

We're a bit nervous. You'd better all send gravy bones.....

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxx

25th  September ·

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.....scratching our heads

We realise, dear readers, that you will be checking our page on a 5 minutely basis to see the result of the experiment conducted overnight.

We tootled off to bed, like good dogs, lured as usual by the promise of gravy bones. Whoopeee, we thought, there's a new bed and chief chewer Ben suggested we made a start on what looked like it was going to be a delicious sport. Country tweed, lots of padding....what more could a dog ask for? The potential for an almighty mess was before our very eyes.

But.............the first bite had us spitting and grimacing. This new spray was certainly not gravy flavoured (note to manufacturers- us dogs would prefer this flavour, preferably chicken gravy).

And so, this morning, the female peep found one intact bed and three very good dogs waiting for her.

Is this a miracle or a lucky coincidence? Had our supper been drugged? Did watching Strictly result in our being hypnotised by all the twirling around?

We can only wait and see.

The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus September 2016