The Official Website for Carol Margaret Tetlow
`1st of September at 16.47
Dear Ms Vi Merana,
I am writing to inform you that it was definitely NOT my idea to send Ben to school in my place last Friday. As if such an idea would ever occur to me! As you can tell from my weekly demeanour, I am a mild mannered dog, with extremely advanced social graces and far too much in awe of your magnitude and panache and dress sense to dare to play naughty tricks. I do think that my brother Rufus might have something to do with it though, possibly in cahoots with the male peep....
Yours devotedly and looking very much to learning the next manoeuvre,
Hector (dare I add a small x?)
PS please remind me what your favourite chocolates are and what your adorable sabre toothed tiger puppy likes as a treat
Dear Ms Vi Merana,
Please be assured that it wasn't my idea to send Ben to school in my place last Friday. As one of your disciples, it would be like arrows striking into my heart to play such a cruel trick on you. If I can turn out a millionth of the wonderful creature that you are, then I will be happy and I am not telling a lie when I tell you that every night, I study the books you have recommended in the hopes that I will become a better dog.
My suspicions lie with, though it pains my heart to say this, my brother Hector. I saw him and the male peep in deep conversation earlier that day. Enough said.
So looking forward to seeing you on Friday and lots of love to the sabre toothed tiger puppy (the vet says my wounds should clear up soon and not leave too much of a scar)
Dear Ms Vi Merana,
I didn't want to go to school at all. I was forced.
PS I won't be coming again.
September 2nd at 18.20
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.....................feeling photogenic (as always)
We took some photos today and plan to send them to Ms Vi Merana, so that
a) she can tell us apart in future and b) we suspect she may prefer to have a photo of us by her bed than one of that sabre toothed tiger puppy, who probably lies beside her, shredding the duvet and sharpening its teeth on the bedhead.
You will notice that Ben has resurrected one of the throws from way back. It is a testament to our maturity that it is still in one piece (but full of holes -
We are now glued to our respective sections of the sofa, waiting for the Bark Off which is on TV tonight. We're hoping that they'll be making some Yorkieshire Barkin.
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Just click on a photo to get the full wide screen effect and see how good we look
September 4th at 17.34
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..........................worried, very worried
The clock is ticking, time is passing us, we've managed, with difficulty to eat our tea, we have horrible colliewobbles as school draws closer and closer.
After last week's prank, we are afraid to face the wrath of Ms Vi Merana, who will surely get her revenge by making us do extra difficult tasks for less treats.
We have collected together a smattering of gifts to take her, to soften the blow, though she will get a shock when she opens the box of gravy bones, because we've eaten them. We were just going to have one each, but you know how it is, one led to another and another and so on and before we knew it, they were all gone. Still it's the thought that counts. We might take some toothpaste for the sabre toothed tiger puppy's teeth, some colliegate, probably.
If we're lucky the male peep won't notice the disappearance of his Highland Terrier Park whisky or his chienpagne (you might have to think about that one). He should be the one who's scared -
Off now to do some deep breathing and to assume our most innocent looks.
Wish us luck. We hope to be back tomorrow, to write more. It will be a refreshing change from writing lines, which doubtless we will be given to do.
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
September 5th at 16.06
The secret hairy story book of Hector and Rufus.................recommended for all children, young and old.
Once upon a time in a land far away, just down the road, lived a young black labrador called Hector. He lived with his brothers Rufus and Ben and his aunty Jester. He was a good little dog but one day he went missing! He had been dognapped! Oh no!
Rufus, Ben and Jester (actually she heaved a sigh of relief when nobody was looking) were so worried they contacted the police dogs, put up posters and put a notice in the local paper, The Daily Hound.
Many dogs came from far and wide, claiming to be Hector. They all looked alike, so it was hard to tell.
'Let's make a test for them,' suggested Ben. 'I know, we'll put all our beds (what's left of them that is) in a pile and under them all we'll put a gravy bone. Only Hector would be able to detect it when he tries to go to sleep.'
Jester and Rufus wagged their tails enthusiastically (Jester slightly less enthusiastically). They piled up all the cushions and beds into a huge towering creation and right at the very bottom, they put a gravy bone. This took a while as they kept eating them.
Many dogs spent the night on this bed, sleeping soundly, never stirring and woke refreshed. Jester and Rufus and Ben shook their heads and sent them on their way.
Four million dogs later, it was a dark and stormy night. The wind roared around the house and the rain lashed ferociously against the windows. Ben shook (he is of a sensitive disposition). Above the sound of the tornado, a knock was heard at the door. Jester went to answer it and found a bedraggled black dog on the step, shivering with cold, ribs visible, skin lack lustre and sad eyes.
They invited the dog in and showed it the mountain of beds on which it was to sleep.
In the morning, they went to the dog who looked even more of a wreck than before.
'That's the most uncomfortable bed I've ever slept in. I don't know what was wrong but there's something in there that was sticking into me all night.'
At that moment, they knew it was Hector. Much celebration took place, which included sausages and gravy bones and by the time he had finished fifteen courses of each, Hector looked more like his old self.
And of course, they all lived happily ever after.
September 7th at 17.14
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..........................excited and out of control (ie nothing new there then)
The most important question of the day, which had to be answered, come what may was, 'is it possibly to jump from the chair onto the footstool, when the latter is at six feet away from the former and covered with important papers that need to be kept clean and tidy?'
The answer is, of course, yes. We can both do it, just as we can both now leap over a five bar gate and are hoping that the peeps will install six bar gates to provide a little extra challenge.
School was a most rewarding experience last Friday and helpfully shone lights on many areas of our behaviour where improvement is required (it is rumoured that Ms Vi Merana reads this -
Terrible news we have to tell you is that breakfast has been stopped. We pushed it around our bowls once too often, rather than inhaling it, now we just have some biscuits and then supper (which was actually due 11 minutes and 23 seconds ago).
But we're in a very good mood and very excited because something thrilling is happening tomorrow. We can't wait to tell you about it but we're not giving any hints because we know all our dear readers are highly intelligent and like the mental stimulation of working things out. Also we want to go and have supper rather than write any more.
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
September 8th at 14.14
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus....................unable to contain ourselves any longer.
It's Jester's birthday! She's 12! We heard her mutter something that sounded like she feels 24 thanks to us but we think we misheard because she wouldn't say anything like that.
For some reason she didn't seem very pleased when we bounced around her singing loudly to celebrate the day but she perked up remarkably when the female peep got out the barking bowl and the cake tin. Sadly we were out at this point (swalking of course) so she had to lick out the mixing bowl all by herself. She told us it was delicious.
She's having a birthday nap now (she's done that most of the morning also) which we find odd as we'd be playing crocodiles, practising our jumping, savaging a cushion or two or eviscerating a few toys if it was our choice but the female peep says we must be patient and treat her with respect as she is old and wise and we could learn a lot from her.
We're posting her birthday photo for you all to admire.
Ooops no, that's her cake. The likeness is remarkable and don't worry the female peep will be eating the chocolate buttons.
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The secret diary of Jo and Indi................if you think those dogs are adorable, you should see us!
Dear Hector and Rufus,
Just a quick note to let you know, in view of recent changes in your circumstances, that WE still get breakfast. Not wanting to upset you as we are very fond of you, even though crocodiles is a particularly silly game.
Love and whinnying J&I xxxx
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..................................guess what? In trouble....again
Quite why the female peep should have such a hysterical outburst when she found a mouse floating in our water bowl this morning, we have no idea. It was quite dead. We thought it was a splendid idea until she explained that people ask for ICE in their drinks, not MICE.
So it was a punishing start to the day and we did our best to make amends by removing our collars, which certainly had the male peep scratching his head for a bit until Rufus gave the game away by wriggling as only he can.
We're sad to report that Jester has a rather personal problem, having developed a lump very close to her bottom, which we feel obliged to inspect as often as we can -
The good news however is that nothing needs to be done. If it grows, removal might have to be discussed but we'll all cross that bridge if we come to it. We prefer not to think about such things. Carpe diem is our motto along with cave canem and eatum as much as you canum.
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.............................having a secret chuckle
Not infrequently, we hear the peeps discuss why we have a minute tendency to be naughty and make a mess. Numerous theories have been mooted. Was our father a wild, untamed, crazy dog, possibly a wolf? Did the peeps make some error in our upbringing? Is it a sign of deep psychological trauma after behaving at school? Do we lust after our puppyhood?
Many evenings, mornings, lunchtimes and afternoons have been spent in deep discussion, hair has been pulled out, fists thumped, wailing noises emitted and cries of despair have echoed round the kitchen.
The answer is simple. We are keen to improve and learn by example. Though we learn a lot at school, we absorb more on a daily basis from our peeps. What they do, we hope to emulate.
Yesterday, the male peep spent the whole day in his study, tidying up. And here is the result -
Enough said. We must instantly be forgiven for our less than tidy ways. We are only following the example set to us.....
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.........................this is only for our four legged friends. Do not let peeps read it. It is TOP SECRET!
When your peeps have had the nerve
To go out without you
Do not cry and sob and wail
Here are some things to do.If like us, you have been left
Locked 'safely' in one place
Then clearly you need far more room
To liven up a chase.
So make sure you have a helpful friend,
In our case, ours is Ben
Who can open doors, without a wink -
The house is ours! So then.....
Rearrange the sofa
Cast the cushions on the floor
Hump on one, ravage another
Put paw marks on some more.
Leap upon the peeps' big bed
That duvet needs rearranging
Roll around and leave some mud
Now that cover will need changing.
Empty water from your bowl all over
That's a splendid deed
Before the postman comes to call
It'll make letters wet and impossible to read!
Stick your tongues out at the cats
Wake them from their slumber
Let them know, in no uncertain terms
We've definitely got their number.
Play crocodiles in the lounge and hall
Knock lamps off little tables
Play crocodiles in the bathroom
Mix up all the TV cables.
But as soon as you hear the car
Approaching towards the door
Jump back in your beds and close your eyes
And don't forget to snore!
Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(shhhhh)
The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus September 2015