The Official Website for Carol Margaret Tetlow
The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus September 2014
The secret epistle of Hector and Rufus Tetlow, reformed characters.....
We apologise profusely for our temporary absence but after the table top incident( Brie is yummy but we prefer Cheddar), we were sadly but necessarily sent away to The Academy for Wayward Spaniels ( the one for Labradors was full, can't think why.....) and so we have been at corrective school for a few days. Sleeping on cold paving stones, dining on tepid gruel with a biscuit if we were lucky enough to catch one ( there were three between fifty one of us and those spaniels can catch better than us), being made to recite mantras of improvement, no walks, no swimming, no sofa -
In our photos we are wearing our graduation medallions. We showed those spaniels!
Ps from the female peep-
The secret diary of Rufus and Hector, once small puppies, now small elephants.....
Every night when we close our faithful puppy eyes and curl up in adorable puppy balls, our little tummies full of warm milk and weetabix, we give thanks for the exciting day that's passed, never dreaming that the next day might be even more exciting.
But today, oh my!
We were a bit worried this morning as when the female peep woke up in her bed, opened her eyes and instead of seeing the handsome and chiseled features of the male peep, she found herself looking at a mouse with twitching whiskers! What naughty cats, inviting their friends back. We'd never do anything like that.
Then our end of term reports arrived from St Fido's Academy for Wayward Spaniels and we had our paws crossed that no one noticed that we had tippex-
The female peep then announced we were going on a new walk. We usually go by the river as she says this is just right for us at the moment, not too big a distance but a chance to play, run and swim. But today we went on a huge walk, part of which was by the river but then round a field where they had been......muck spreading! The female peep says if she'd known that then we wouldn't have gone there but we know it's just because she loves us so much. We had a fabulous time and have mastered smelly somersaults and vigorous rolypolys.
As a result when we got home we had to go down to the barn and be washed and rinsed, which was not a lot of fun but we are now snoozing on the sofa smelling of Moroccan Rose and pomegranate shampoo (very expensive but there wasn't anything else). So although the odour is reminiscent of a tart's boudoir and it's a bit girly for boys like us, as Cheryl Cole would say,we're soooooooo worth it.
Lots of love and licks H&R xxxx
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......cont
We have refused to pose for photos today and we are eating the female peep's slippers to reap our revenge. Can you believe this?
The peeps, after scoffing their lunch and NOT sharing mentioned that magic of all magic words. No, not abracadabra but walk. We jumped up, bounced around, smiled endearingly, ran to the car, tried to jump in on our own but the back door was closed so we just bruised our noses.
But we weren't going in the car. The peeps walked down towards the barn which means we're going in the fields, where the crops have been harvested and where we can run and run and run. Oh joy, we said as we scampered down after them.
Hang on.......that's not right. We go through that gate there, not the other one. What's happening? They've caught that pony Jo and they're taking him for a walk, not us! Aaaaaagh, criminal. They went to the pub and back, leaving us behind, weeping and baying at the moon-
We are now not speaking to them. The fact that we had been to the river to play in the morning and walked and swum for an hour is beside the point.......we are sure you, dear readers, will understand. Harrumph!
Love and licks H&R xx
PS they are very proud of him because he didn't bat an eyelid when the school bus went past, or when a giant blue wagon snorted at him. Well we found a dead bird but they weren't pleased with that. We don't know why
The secret diary of Rufus and Hector......
It's very tense, the atmosphere is electric and the female peep is trembling with fear. As a result we have got away with several misdemeanours today which normally would not have gone unnoticed.
We have had our first lesson with Ms Vi Merana and her two partners, Bea Gull and the European psychologist Belle-
But why is the female peep so anxious? Does she want to go back to work because she misses it so much? Is she nervous about Bowes show on Saturday, is she worried that the male peep will discover how much money she really spent in Northallerton today?
No, this weekend also is the date of Mashamshire Show and the home baking competition. Dizzy with the excitement of the possibility of the £1.50 first prize for her apple pie, she cannot decide whether to blind bake the bottom, part cook it or not cook it at all. Decisions, decisions.
All we know is that we will be there to help, support, encourage and ........eat all the ones that go wrong. yippeeeee! Billy and Poppy, come round now!
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, known for their skills in consoling the distraught.....
Well, the female peep did not do well in the baking contest. We don't know why as we've just reached up to the work top and snaffled the ginger biscuits which were yum, although we believe they will shortly be on sale as a colourful addition to your rockery.
Not one to wallow in misery, the female peep has asked us to share her tip to avoid a soggy bottom. If you buy a new fluted pie tin with a removable bottom, remember that there is a piece of cardboard in there before you put your pastry in. Yes, she had unwrapped it, washed it and still didn't notice it, so it stopped the heat penetrating to the under layer and voila -
The chocolate cake while too tall was apparently not quite cooked in the middle but who doesn't like fudge-
Good job that Fergus beat the ponies in the driving at Bowes......
PS we are being very good at the moment!
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.....contd
A day of mixed emotions. As ever we leant a paw with the donkey/pony poo picking with the female peep. We like to dance on it and sample it for quality purposes, of course. Then we played shipwrecks ( anyone remember that in the last PE lesson of the term, as a special treat?) in the conservatory, leaping from the chairs to the settee -
After lunch the male and female peep made the huge mistake of saying ' oh we can leave them on their own in the kitchen for an hour, they're still worn out from their walk'.......and this was the result (see photo on the left).
However they can't have been too cross as we got our first pigs ears to eat. Oh yummy yum yum! More please.
Tea time now. Hope it's not apple pie again......
Love and licks H&R
Ps for those interested in our dental development-
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus....
Here we are having a quiet moment. This was actually the quietest moment of our day.
Wanting, as ever, to improve ourselves and expand our education, when nobody was looking we helped ourselves to a book from the bookcase. It had a particularly chewy hard cover. Please note use of past tense..... We were looking for 101 Dalmatians and couldn't reach Marley and Me, so settled for Jane Eyre because we thought it might be about eyre-
Poor Jester has been to the vet this afternoon. The good news is that she has lost some weight. The bad news is that the anal glands are playing up again and a rectal examination was required......our eyes are watering at the thought of that! She has some new tablets for her arthritis.
Other than that it's been a fairly normal day. We've worn out the male peep, eaten pears from the orchard, shredded some paper(for security purposes of course) and we are very much looking to seeing Aunty Helen on Saturday, even though she's going with the peeps and that pony to Stokesley show.
Must go now and find out what's happening to Mrs Rochester....
Love and licks Hector and Rufus xxx
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......
Good evening friends and followers,
Well, it had to happen, according to the law of averages. Destiny decreed that it was about time she smiled upon the peeps and that the £25 premium bond win was not sufficient reward for all that they do. So today goes down in history because.....
1) we gobbled up our breakfast without a starter course of donkey poo
2) we did not jump up at anyone we met on our walk, including the man with white trousers
3) we found a new pet for the human peep-
4) we have slept symmetrically on the sofa, like bookends
5) feeling sorry for Jester's derrière (see yesterday) we have not annoyed her once
6) we have not eaten anything that we shouldn't have-
7) we entertained each other in the orchard while the peeps got ready for Stokesley show tomorrow
8) we have not chewed the harness
9) we have not had any 'accidents' -
10) we helped with the ironing by sitting on it to accentuate the creases
And as a result we are thoroughly bored and plan to be very naughty tomorrow! Bet you all can't wait.....
Love and licks H&R xxxxx
The mystery of the missing cake-
The peeps have had a fab day taking Jo the pony and lovely friend Helen to Stokesley show. It was Jo's inaugural flight, though we gathered that it was very much hoped that flight as such would not be literal. We love Helen as she makes a huge fuss of us and today she came armed with a packet of mini Christmas stollen bites, which we hear are very yummy (of course, dogs don't eat them......)
It's been a grizzly day with that mild but wet drizzle that never turns into proper rain but still manages to soak through clothes and collars and chill the bones.
Jo was a little star and came third. He wasn't frightened and trotted out like a good 'un, as these horsey types say but has yet to master the art of standing still and reining back. But, credit where it's due-
We were very pleased to see them when they came back and doubly pleased to help eat the bacon sandwiches and watch the rugby with the male peep. We heard the rustling of the packet of mini stollens and the sound of munching in the kitchen, whilst much chat took place.
Then Helen had to go -
She was only gone for 10-
We have discussed this at length and have narrowed down the list of suspects.
1) cats don't eat marzipan
2 the female peep could have taken them down to the barn and scoffed them, though she left the packaging
3) the male peep could have lurched from the lounge, gone into the kitchen and eaten them
4) Jester looks guilty
5) Ben doesn't like marzipan either.
So, who could it have been?
We are going to come to a conclusion soon but first we must wash off all these crumbs from our lips....
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......
The plot thickens (see yesterday). We were quite sure that the male peep had fallen off the sofa, crawled to the conservatory( skid marks on carpet) gone out into the garden ( more footprints and a grassy stain on his trousers), climbed in through the bedroom window ( tell tale fibres from underpants on windowsill), tiptoed down the corridor, into the kitchen and eaten all the mini stollen bites, leaving the packet on the floor.
But the female peep says she found a mini stollen bite ( ie a mini mini stollen bite) in our bed!!!!!! It cannot be. We wiped all the crumbs from our lips and had a chaser of donkey poo to take awake the smell of marzipan.....
It's been a good day. We don't ask for much. We watched the housework being done-
Jester did lots of running and swimming on our walk-
We've posted a photo of Jo today, taken by our friend Helen, because he deserves it!
Lots of love and licks H&R
Ps Helen, please could we have some more mini stollen bites?
September 21st at 18:31 ·
The Secret Diary of Hector and Rufus......
More mysterious happenings at Lamb Hill. A bar of chocolate disappeared ( ha ha that's easy, knowing the female peep's predilection for choc, plus chocolate is BAD for dogs, so we'd never touch that).
We've heard of spontaneous combustion in humans but here we've had the same thing happen with a cushion! It didn't actually burst into flames but exploded, leaving all its stuffing of the kitchen floor ( see photo of Hector investigating). It was only the cats' cushion so it doesn't really count......
We think there could be ghosts here-
Times are hard here as you can see-
Otherwise it's been quite a normal day. We had a lovely walk, paddled, ate chew sticks, expanded our vocabulary when the male peep found a puncture in one of his rear tyres and played with our best friend and third musketeer, Ben. Hang on.....someone's snatched the iPad......
The secret diary of Carol Tetlow, height unchanged, weight unchanged, number of Twirl bites consumed=zero (but it's still early), number of chocolate buttons consumed =17( felt stressed).
I did not eat that bar of chocolate. The buttons yes....but that was all.
Ghosts? I don't think so. Looks more like the work of the dastardly duo to me.
Yes, I learned some new words too
September 24th at 16:13 ·
The secret dairy or even diary of Hector and Rufus Tetlow....
Uh oh, we're in trouble.....again.
For some inconceivable reason, the female peep has been cleaning. And in her tornado-
And this is what she found
9 bits of chewy dog bones (well you never know when you're going to need a snack)
3 cat toys (well the cats must have put them there)
6 balls, two half chewed (we must be ready to play at short notice)
4 hard white bones, some with filling, some sucked dry
One plastic plate
One plastic croissant (I told you Rufus that it wasn't real)
One shoe -
One toy rabbit
One telephone ( Bill’s been looking for that for weeks)
Stuffing from an as yet unidentified animal
One boa constrictor
One rope toy
One puppy collar
One empty Twirl bites bag (well that wasnt us)
And a partridge in a pear tree..........
We don't understand the problem. Can't she see that we tidily put these things away?
Oh lawks, only 2 sleeps til we start school. Ms Vi Merana is waiting for us......
Love and licks H&R xxxxx
September 26th at 17:56 · (an entry from the female peep we are too weak to write)
Dear Ms Merana, or may I call you Vi?
It is with the greatest regret that I have to write on behalf of Hector and Rufus and explain that they will not be able to attend school tonight.
When they did not eat their tea last night, we assumed it was pre-
Uncharacteristic lethargy set in, disinterest, sleepiness followed. Suddenly having a quiet house was scary and unwelcome.
The lovely vet agreed to see us immediately. Hector and Rufus were subjected to examinations which made their eyes water and then two injections each and we left with the warning that diarrhoea may rapidly follow and 21 tins of invalid diet food. School was forbidden.
They have been asleep all afternoon. The eeriness at Lamb Hill has been and still is unsettling. Small teas have been eaten. We hope they will stay down. Their little noses are burning and they are still asleep (though the cat walking through the kitchen did cause eyebrows to be raised briefly, which gives me hope).
Please forgive their non-
Hector and Rufus' female peep.
September 27th at 17:53
The secret diary of Hector and Rufus or The Silence of the Puppies continued.....
We are better! While the female peep tossed and turned, worrying, we had a recuperative sleep and were ready for breakfast and action first thing.
The female peep says it's very odd how we started to improve just after we should have set off for school but we don't know what she's implying by that.
The invalid diet is yummy. Rather like game terrine but we don't get toast with it.
We've had a walk today and then we helped get the barn ready for winter and all the animals coming in at night. We were, as always, an enormous help, as you can see. You can also see that we no longer bear any resemblance to puppies any more.
Now, after a yummy tea, followed by a pear from the orchard, we are playing a good game called 'How many pieces can a rubber ball be turned into?' I think a million, but Rufus is going for two million. We're arranging the bits on the kitchen floor, the sofa, Jester, and in the hall and lounge so we can count them more easily.
We'd like to thank everyone for their concern and good wishes. We did feel awful but hoorah, we're bouncing again!
September 29th at 17:42
The secret diary of Rufus(I'm going first cos I weigh more-
We have new cuddly beds to sleep on because we ate the others! Who? Us?
The female peep is very happy today because she caught the naughty pony Indiana in record time
ie twenty minutes. Things are looking up.
The male peep is not happy though because he had just said how good we were at playing together outside when he found out what exactly we had been playing. We cannot go into details but let's just say it involved all of the driveway down to the barn and a lot of stuffing.....not the sage and onion sort.
He loves us really......
Lots of love and licks from a very bouncy H &R xx