The Official Website  for Carol Margaret Tetlow

The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus September 2014

 September 4th

The secret epistle of Hector and Rufus Tetlow, reformed characters.....

We apologise profusely for our temporary absence but after the table top incident( Brie is yummy but we prefer Cheddar), we were sadly but necessarily sent away to The Academy for Wayward Spaniels ( the one for Labradors was full, can't think why.....) and so we have been at corrective school for a few days. Sleeping on cold paving stones, dining on tepid gruel with a biscuit if we were lucky enough to catch one ( there were three between fifty one of us and those spaniels can catch better than us), being made to recite mantras of improvement, no walks, no swimming, no sofa - all these things have concentrated our minds and our behaviour is now impeccable. As I (Rufus) write, Hector is doing some light dusting with one paw and ironing with the other ( he's using the back two paws to stand on, of course). We will then pour the female peep a glass of wine (the male peep is gallivanting in Ireland so standards have slipped, much to our disgust.) then we will lie at her feet and gaze adoringly at her and not make a mess.

In our photos we are wearing our graduation medallions. We showed those spaniels!

Ps from the female peep- please do not believe any of this! They may have been threatened many a time with corrective school, they are still as naughty as ever!

September 6th

The secret diary of Rufus and Hector, once small puppies, now small elephants.....

Every night when we close our faithful puppy eyes and curl up in adorable puppy balls, our little tummies full of warm milk and weetabix, we give thanks for the exciting day that's passed, never dreaming that the next day might be even more exciting.

But today, oh my!

We were a bit worried this morning as when the female peep woke up in her bed, opened her eyes and instead of seeing the handsome and chiseled features of the male peep, she found herself looking at a mouse with twitching whiskers! What naughty cats, inviting their friends back. We'd never do anything like that.

Then our end of term reports arrived from St Fido's Academy for Wayward Spaniels and we had our paws crossed that no one noticed that we had tippex-ed out the word 'no' which came in between 'show' and promise.

The female peep then announced we were going on a new walk. We usually go by the river as she says this is just right for us at the moment, not too big a distance but a chance to play, run and swim. But today we went on a huge walk, part of which was by the river but then round a field where they had been......muck spreading! The female peep says if she'd known that then we wouldn't have gone there but we know it's just because she loves us so much. We had a fabulous time and have mastered smelly somersaults and vigorous rolypolys.

As a result when we got home we had to go down to the barn and be washed and rinsed, which was not a lot of fun but we are now snoozing on the sofa smelling of Moroccan Rose and pomegranate shampoo (very expensive but there wasn't anything else). So although the odour is reminiscent of a tart's boudoir and it's a bit girly for boys like us, as Cheryl Cole would say,we're soooooooo worth it.

Lots of love and licks H&R xxxx

September 9th

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......cont

We have refused to pose for photos today and we are eating the female peep's slippers to reap our revenge. Can you believe this?

The peeps, after scoffing their lunch and NOT sharing mentioned that magic of all magic words. No, not abracadabra but walk. We jumped up, bounced around, smiled endearingly, ran to the car, tried to jump in on our own but the back door was closed so we just bruised our noses.

But we weren't going in the car. The peeps walked down towards the barn which means we're going in the fields, where the crops have been harvested and where we can run and run and run. Oh joy, we said as we scampered down after them.

Hang on.......that's not right. We go through that gate there, not the other one. What's happening? They've caught that pony Jo and they're taking him for a walk, not us! Aaaaaagh, criminal. They went to the pub and back, leaving us behind, weeping and baying at the moon- well we would have been if it hadn't been 15.00h.

We are now not speaking to them. The fact that we had been to the river to play in the morning and walked and swum for an hour is beside the point.......we are sure you, dear readers, will understand. Harrumph!

Love and licks H&R xx

PS they are very proud of him because he didn't bat an eyelid when the school bus went past, or when a giant blue wagon snorted at him. Well we found a dead bird but they weren't pleased with that. We don't know why

September 11th

The secret diary of Rufus and Hector......

It's very tense, the atmosphere is electric and the female peep is trembling with fear. As a result we have got away with several misdemeanours today which normally would not have gone unnoticed.

We have had our first lesson with Ms Vi Merana and her two partners, Bea Gull and the European psychologist Belle-Jean Shepherddog and as as you can see from the photos we have learned how to sit nicely in the car while we wait for Jester and that the best place to meditate (an important aspect of our training for purity of mind) is on the bed or the back of the settee.

But why is the female peep so anxious? Does she want to go back to work because she misses it so much? Is she nervous about Bowes show on Saturday, is she worried that the male peep will discover how much money she really spent in Northallerton today?

No, this weekend also is the date of Mashamshire Show and the home baking competition. Dizzy with the excitement of the possibility of the £1.50 first prize for her apple pie, she cannot decide whether to blind bake the bottom, part cook it or not cook it at all. Decisions, decisions.

All we know is that we will be there to help, support, encourage and all the ones that go wrong. yippeeeee! Billy and Poppy, come round now!

September 14th

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, known for their skills in consoling the distraught.....

Well, the female peep did not do well in the baking contest. We don't know why as we've just reached up to the work top and snaffled the ginger biscuits which were yum, although we believe they will shortly be on sale as a colourful addition to your rockery.

Not one to wallow in misery, the female peep has asked us to share her tip to avoid a soggy bottom. If you buy a new fluted pie tin with a removable bottom, remember that there is a piece of cardboard in there before you put your pastry in. Yes, she had unwrapped it, washed it and still didn't notice it, so it stopped the heat penetrating to the under layer and voila - a disaster! We have tried that too and it's yummy so will be on the menu tonight with custard.

The chocolate cake while too tall was apparently not quite cooked in the middle but who doesn't like fudge-y cake, served warm with ice cream. These judges need to think laterally.

Good job that Fergus beat the ponies in the driving at Bowes......

PS we are being very good at the moment!

September 15th

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.....contd

A day of mixed emotions. As ever we leant a paw with the donkey/pony poo picking with the female peep. We like to dance on it and sample it for quality purposes, of course. Then we played shipwrecks ( anyone remember that in the last PE lesson of the term, as a special treat?) in the conservatory, leaping from the chairs to the settee - who needs the floor? After making a lot of noise the female peep took us for a walk by the river at Ripon. We'd not been there before and we loved it. A riverside path, then up into the woods, new smells and much galloping. Home in time for lunch as as we had a bit of left over energy we ripped apart an old blouse - well we thought it was old.......

After lunch the male and female peep made the huge mistake of saying ' oh we can leave them on their own in the kitchen for an hour, they're still worn out from their walk'.......and this was the result (see photo on the left).

However they can't have been too cross as we got our first pigs ears to eat. Oh yummy yum yum! More please.

Tea time now. Hope it's not apple pie again......

Love and licks H&R

Ps for those interested in our dental development- no sign on any falling out yet. How many gravy bones per tooth does the canine fairy bring?

September 18th

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus....

Here we are having a quiet moment. This was actually the quietest moment of our day.

Wanting, as ever, to improve ourselves and expand our education, when nobody was looking we helped ourselves to a book from the bookcase. It had a particularly chewy hard cover. Please note use of past tense..... We were looking for 101 Dalmatians and couldn't reach Marley and Me, so settled for Jane Eyre because we thought it might be about eyre-dale terriers. How were we to know that this was the female peep's school prize for biology and chemistry in 1853? She really does have a most extensive vocabulary, which could shock some of the more sensitive souls we know.

Poor Jester has been to the vet this afternoon. The good news is that she has lost some weight. The bad news is that the anal glands are playing up again and a rectal examination was required......our eyes are watering at the thought of that! She has some new tablets for her arthritis.

Other than that it's been a fairly normal day. We've worn out the male peep, eaten pears from the orchard, shredded some paper(for security purposes of course) and we are very much looking to seeing Aunty Helen on Saturday, even though she's going with the peeps and that pony to Stokesley show.

Must go now and find out what's happening to Mrs Rochester....

Love and licks Hector and Rufus xxx

September 19th

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......

Good evening friends and followers,

Well, it had to happen, according to the law of averages. Destiny decreed that it was about time she smiled upon the peeps and that the £25 premium bond win was not sufficient reward for all that they do. So today goes down in history because.....

1) we gobbled up our breakfast without a starter course of donkey poo

2) we did not jump up at anyone we met on our walk, including the man with white trousers

3) we found a new pet for the human peep- a rotting rabbit and triumphantly ran to her to deliver it.......and then we dropped it when we were told!

4) we have slept symmetrically on the sofa, like bookends

5) feeling sorry for Jester's derrière (see yesterday) we have not annoyed her once

6) we have not eaten anything that we shouldn't have- no shoes, no books, no newspapers (including the Darlington and Stockton Times), no blouses or other items of clothing

7) we entertained each other in the orchard while the peeps got ready for Stokesley show tomorrow

8) we have not chewed the harness

9) we have not had any 'accidents' -well not that have been found yet- tee hee

10) we helped with the ironing by sitting on it to accentuate the creases

And as a result we are thoroughly bored and plan to be very naughty tomorrow! Bet you all can't wait.....

Love and licks H&R xxxxx

 September 20th

The mystery of the missing cake- a mystery novel by Hector and Rufus Tetlow,

The peeps have had a fab day taking Jo the pony and lovely friend Helen  to Stokesley show. It was Jo's inaugural flight, though we gathered that it was very much hoped that flight as such would not be literal. We love Helen as she makes a huge fuss of us and today she came armed with a packet of mini Christmas stollen bites, which we hear are very yummy (of course, dogs don't eat them......)

It's been a grizzly day with that mild but wet drizzle that never turns into proper rain but still manages to soak through clothes and collars and chill the bones.

Jo was a little star and came third. He wasn't frightened and trotted out like a good 'un, as these horsey types say but has yet to master the art of standing still and reining back. But, credit where it's due- it was his very first show and he only started driving this year.

We were very pleased to see them when they came back and doubly pleased to help eat the bacon sandwiches and watch the rugby with the male peep. We heard the rustling of the packet of mini stollens and the sound of munching in the kitchen, whilst much chat took place.

Then Helen had to go - boo hoo, though we are seeing her again soon for a walk and the good old female peep went down to the barn to muck out and tidy up.

She was only gone for 10-15 mins max but when she returned........the mini stollens had gone!

We have discussed this at length and have narrowed down the list of suspects.

1) cats don't eat marzipan

2 the female peep could have taken them down to the barn and scoffed them, though she left the packaging

3) the male peep could have lurched from the lounge, gone into the kitchen and eaten them

4) Jester looks guilty

5) Ben doesn't like marzipan either.

So, who could it have been?

We are going to come to a conclusion soon but first we must wash off all these crumbs from our lips....

September 21st

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......

The plot thickens (see yesterday). We were quite sure that the male peep had fallen off the sofa, crawled to the conservatory( skid marks on carpet) gone out into the garden ( more footprints and a grassy stain on his trousers), climbed in through the bedroom window ( tell tale fibres from underpants on windowsill), tiptoed down the corridor, into the kitchen and eaten all the mini stollen bites, leaving the packet on the floor.

But the female peep says she found a mini stollen bite ( ie a mini mini stollen bite) in our bed!!!!!! It cannot be. We wiped all the crumbs from our lips and had a chaser of donkey poo to take awake the smell of marzipan.....

It's been a good day. We don't ask for much. We watched the housework being done- the best way to learn, we're sure you'll agree. Learn by example. A gallop by the river, paddling, watching Ben swim. Then we were really hungry but it wasn't quite teatime so we ate the cushion in the bottom of the cats' bed. Well, they never use it. The male peep was furioso ( that's very very cross to you and us) so we had to run and hide behind the female peep who is a big softie.

Jester did lots of running and swimming on our walk- she's much better for her anti-inflammatories.

We've posted a photo of Jo today, taken by our friend Helen, because he deserves it!

Lots of love and licks H&R

Ps Helen, please could we have some more mini stollen bites?

September 21st  at 18:31 ·

The Secret Diary of Hector and Rufus......

More mysterious happenings at Lamb Hill. A bar of chocolate disappeared ( ha ha that's easy, knowing the female peep's predilection for choc, plus chocolate is BAD for dogs, so we'd never touch that).

We've heard of spontaneous combustion in humans but here we've had the same thing happen with a cushion! It didn't actually burst into flames but exploded, leaving all its stuffing of the kitchen floor ( see photo of Hector investigating). It was only the cats' cushion so it doesn't really count......

We think there could be ghosts here- eeeek!

Times are hard here as you can see- we are having to share a chair and now we are bigger, it's a bit of a squeeze.

Otherwise it's been quite a normal day. We had a lovely walk, paddled, ate chew sticks, expanded our vocabulary when the male peep found a puncture in one of his rear tyres and played with our best friend and third musketeer, Ben. Hang on.....someone's snatched the iPad......

The secret diary of Carol Tetlow, height unchanged, weight unchanged, number of Twirl bites consumed=zero (but it's still early), number of chocolate buttons consumed =17( felt stressed).

I did not eat that bar of chocolate. The buttons yes....but that was all.

Ghosts? I don't think so. Looks more like the work of the dastardly duo to me.

Yes, I learned some new words too

September 24th  at 16:13 ·

The secret dairy or even diary of Hector and Rufus Tetlow....

Uh oh, we're in trouble.....again.

For some inconceivable reason, the female peep has been cleaning. And in her tornado-like state, as she hoovered with one hand and polished with another, she ..........looked under the sofa in the kitchen.

And this is what she found

9 bits of chewy dog bones (well you never know when you're going to need a snack)

3 cat toys (well the cats must have put them there)

6 balls, two half chewed (we must be ready to play at short notice)

4 hard white bones, some with filling, some sucked dry

One plastic plate

One plastic croissant (I told you Rufus that it wasn't real)

One sandal-wearable

One sandal-un wearable

One shoe -only identifiable after an autopsy

One toy rabbit

One telephone ( Bill’s been looking for that for weeks)

Stuffing from an as yet unidentified animal

One boa constrictor

One rope toy

One biro

One puppy collar

One empty Twirl bites bag (well that wasnt us)

And a partridge in a pear tree..........

We don't understand the problem. Can't she see that we tidily put these things away?

Oh lawks, only 2 sleeps til we start school. Ms Vi Merana is waiting for us......

Love and licks H&R xxxxx

 September 26th  at 17:56 · (an entry from the female peep we are too weak to write)

Dear Ms Merana, or may I call you Vi?

It is with the greatest regret that I have to write on behalf of Hector and Rufus and explain that they will not be able to attend school tonight.

When they did not eat their tea last night, we assumed it was pre-school nerves. When they eschewed their Weetabix and warm milk at supper time, we put this down to puppy histrionics. Then this morning they ate most of their breakfast, only for this to be followed by those unmistakable sounds of a dog preparing to eject its stomach contents. Which they did and some. Why is the amount that comes back always at least twice what they ate?

Uncharacteristic lethargy set in, disinterest, sleepiness followed. Suddenly having a quiet house was scary and unwelcome.

The lovely vet agreed to see us immediately. Hector and Rufus were subjected to examinations which made their eyes water and then two injections each and we left with the warning that diarrhoea may rapidly follow and 21 tins of invalid diet food. School was forbidden.

They have been asleep all afternoon. The eeriness at Lamb Hill has been and still is unsettling. Small teas have been eaten. We hope they will stay down. Their little noses are burning and they are still asleep (though the cat walking through the kitchen did cause eyebrows to be raised briefly, which gives me hope).

Please forgive their non- attendance. We promise to come next Friday and can assure you that this has nothing to do with us wanting to be at home to watch Strictly Come Dancing........

Yours faithfully,

Hector and Rufus' female peep.

September 27th at 17:53  

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus or The Silence of the Puppies continued.....

We are better! While the female peep tossed and turned, worrying, we had a recuperative sleep and were ready for breakfast and action first thing.

The female peep says it's very odd how we started to improve just after we should have set off for school but we don't know what she's implying by that.

The invalid diet is yummy. Rather like game terrine but we don't get toast with it.

We've had a walk today and then we helped get the barn ready for winter and all the animals coming in at night. We were, as always, an enormous help, as you can see. You can also see that we no longer bear any resemblance to puppies any more.

Now, after a yummy tea, followed by a pear from the orchard, we are playing a good game called 'How many pieces can a rubber ball be turned into?' I think a million, but Rufus is going for two million. We're arranging the bits on the kitchen floor, the sofa, Jester, and in the hall and lounge so we can count them more easily.

We'd like to thank everyone for their concern and good wishes. We did feel awful but hoorah, we're bouncing again!

September 29th  at 17:42

The secret diary of Rufus(I'm going first cos I weigh more- the vet says) and Hector,Together we  have solved the problem of overcrowding in homes. Please see our invention of the two tier chair. We cannot understand why the human peeps don't lie like this too. This arrangement ensures that you can have twice as many peeps or dogs, or donkeys, or cats(grrrrrrr) in a room and everyone can sit comfortably and watch TV- Our current fave being The Great British Bark Off.

We have new cuddly beds to sleep on because we ate the others! Who? Us?

The female peep is very happy today because she caught the naughty pony Indiana in record time

ie twenty minutes. Things are looking up.

The male peep is not happy though because he had just said how good we were at playing together outside when he found out what exactly we had been playing. We cannot go into details but let's just say it involved all of the driveway down to the barn and a lot of stuffing.....not the sage and onion sort.

He loves us really......

Lots of love and licks from a very bouncy H &R xx