The Official Website  for Carol Margaret Tetlow

The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus November 2014

November 1st at 16.00

2 October at 17:59 · Dear Ms Vi Merana,

We would be grateful if you could arrange for Rufus to see Professor Belle-Jean Shepherddog, the school psychologist. We are very concerned as, in the last week, he has brought in two live mice and he keeps sitting in the cats' bed. Do you think there is a problem?

Yours worriedly,

Rufus' peeps

Great Scott! We caught sight of this letter before it was put in an envelope. Then when nobody was looking, we got it down from the table- we can now do this trick without moving the chairs- how cunning is that?- and ate it.

So here's a photo of us all, the three musketeers, or rather the two musketeers and one Mouseketeer (on the right) and Jester, who will have nothing to do with our silliness because she is a princess, in the corner pretending she's not with us!

Ha ha, we're off to put our ear muffs in now in case there are fireworks ( other than the ones that explode out of the female peep when we're naughty).

Licks and bonfire toffee

H&R xxx

November 2nd at 21.00

The secret diary of Hector(Rufus is asleep -he's not had a good day)

Don't look now Rufus but there's someone in your bed!

I am amazed that you can lie down after this morning's disaster in the garden. He sat on and totally squashed a rose bush and had to have thorns removed from his derrière. Most inelegant.

Then he went in the river and couldn't get out. The female peep had to put on a wetsuit and go and get him!

There was another very dodgy moment when the female peep was on the verge of ringing the vet for emergency advice! She had discovered a pile of red poo! Once a doc, always a doc and her first thought was......BLOOD! She started running around, looking for her stethoscope and rubber gloves.

Had she had her glasses on and looked more closely, she would have discovered that this poo appearance was simply due to the fact that all the missing bits of the throw on the sofa had emerged at once!

Panic over.

The best bit of my day was this morning. Noah's parents decided that he could have a piece of cake. They are very strict and said he was not allowed filling or icing so I thought to myself, I don't think he should be allowed cake either and ate it up in one gulp while he was watching Peppa Pig (he's got to learn....)

It's chicken pie for tea. We're hoping some of it will come our way.....

Crumby licks, Hector xx

November 3rd at 21.35

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

Oh ho! Look what we've found under Ben's pillow! A photo of Holly the spaniel. And he said he wasn't interested!

We are thinking of going to Specsavers because today we found a new toy, which has been staring us in the face for as long as we've been here but we never realised its potential.

We refer to nothing less than......the vegetable rack!

Potatoes are so much fun. They roll everywhere and are very good for practising our sculpture. This is an additional subject we have enrolled for at school. Aware that practice makes perfect, we bit into all of them and left them in a nice pattern on the drive. The female peep muttered something about the male peep having to have mash for supper for the next three days. She does say some odd things.

We weren't so keen on the onions but the carrots were yummy, so we gobbled them up before they were wasted on those donkeys or ponies.

After this we had developed a taste for trying new foods, so we went on to experiment with extra strong mints (eeeek! Smoke came out of our ears), half a persimmon, a black cherry yoghurt and right now, Hector is trying some dog flesh in the form of my right hind leg (ow, get off -Rufus).

Who needs sleep? We've been very worried about a very good friend (who we haven't actually met but we just KNOW we would be soul mates) Billy, who went to the vet today and has returned rather less of a man than he used to be, though he is now sporting a very chic lampshade on his head. Get well soon Billy! May it never happen to us!

Love and licks H&R xxx

Novemeber 5th at 20.45

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus,

Hmm, bonfire night and though we know nothing of such things, big brother Ben (see photo -that's all that's left of the postman, sadly -we really liked him...) has explained in gruesome and bloody detail, the horrors that will occur when night falls.

So, as usual, we have come up with an action plan to distract the canine (and feline if you can persuade them to participate -unlikely, they are SO boring) minds from the bangs, screeches, pops and whooshing noises.

Firstly, never mind about turning up the volume on the TV. We don't like most of the programmes so that won't help. Secondly do not bother with tablets. Though we will take them if you surround them with a big enough helping of cheese or sausage (not vegetarian, please note) you will find them under the chair/settee/cooker/fridge tomorrow as we spat them out when you weren't looking.

There now follows the (infallible) Hector and Rufus plan for ignoring fireworks.

Start early, the earlier the better. As soon as it's light get to work on some manual digging -this could be a hole in the garden but we are currently working on a tunnel out of our kennel. We must remember to wash our noses and paws though- it's such a giveaway.

Don't ignore breakfast. It is indeed the most important meal of the day (on a par with teatime). Bark and chase and be generally obnoxious until you are taken on a walk (behaviour like this never fails). Gallop round the fields, swim, make friends with a wolfhound (eeeeeek, so big, we hurt our necks looking up at him), splash in large puddles and then run like stink when the female peep approaches with the hose pipe, saying 'bath.'

Time for a quick snooze then time to do some serious aerobics. Have you noticed that if you run chaotically and fast enough, you will push chairs over? This makes a lovely loud noise that takes peeps by surprise. Keep running, push the table and cause a vase of flowers to fall on the floor. Bounce on the bed and leave your pawprint in mud, just like famous actors do.

Follow the male peep while he vacuums (yes, really) and make a mess on the carpet which he has just done -bubble wrap is good for this; we also shredded a slipper. Look innocent while he turns purple with rage...

Always be on the lookout for new games to play to spice up life. Our new game is called hovercrafts. We position one of our beds (Joules, don't you know!) by one kitchen door and retreat to the furthest point of the house, whereupon we turn and sprint back to the kitchen, leap on the bed and skid all across the floor to the back door! It was amazing fun and so good we had to do it again and again, to perfect our aim of coming to halt by our dinner bowls (sadly empty but if we keep this up til 1700h, they'll be full).

And now we are exhausted, so we won't be aware of any fireworks- job done in a totally organic and non-drug way. Please take our advice and pass on to your friends and fiends(fiends? oops, that's Halloween, sorry)

Love H&R xxxx

November the 6th at 19.55

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

Can you believe we looked like this?

A day of reflection after the female peep came home with a poppy tea towel from Sainsburys. We ate the one on her coat.

She also bought new slippers again! We wonder why? She's been walking around quite happily in slippers for the last week, admittedly they didn't match but that's not the point. These new ones look rather like flattened tabby kittens, so, as we have a habit of taking them off her feet when she's thinking about other things, they won't last long either.

Generally we have been helpful dogs today. We got the dog biscuits down off the worktop and ate them, to save the female peep from having to get up from her chair and walk across the room. Then we ate some hand cream with added aloe Vera, so our insides are silky smooth and our breath is sweet. Then we went and helped in the garden, digging up bulbs, which didn't go down well so instead we played chase so violently that when we hurtled into the female peep, she fell over flat on her back. That was a really good game and we jumped on top of her and licked her all over because it was such fun. The fractures won't take long to heal.

The male peep disappeared to he barn this morning and emerged six hours with.......two hoops for us to jump through( like we didn't have enough already). Sigh! Whatever next. It's a hard life for us lounge labradors (far more attractive than lounge lizards....)

Love and licks H&R xx

November 8th at 19:10 · iOS ·

The secret diary of Hector & Rufus

We are too upset to write this evening. Something terrible has happened. We cannot face photographs either, hence one of Indiana but we don't know why she's smiling because we have nothing to smile about.

More tomorrow, when we will explain.

Yours sobbingly H&R xx

November 9th at 21.00

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.......

We thank our lovely readers for their messages of support at a time when we were so distraught. It is good to know who our friends are.

Why were we so unhappy? What had happened? In a nutshell, the worst. The peeps had gone out for the whole evening and left us on our own (with Jester and Ben and Monty and two cats but they don't count)! How could they?

They tortured us by washing and getting changed and putting their best bibs and tuckers on and no matter how much we lay on the bed and looked forlorn, whimpering at opportune moments, they insisted on going. Something about the female peep's leaving do. Well, they could have taken us...... Never mind about leaving dos, what about leaving us?

They left us for hours -not getting back for over five hours! Ha! They thought they were softening the blow by leaving the tv on but we were so upset we turned it off and cried. We got through four boxes of tissues. Our fur was sodden. Our muscles ached from our wretched sobs. Red eyelids are not a good look for a labrador, nor are runny noses. In fact we were just so upset that we FORGOT TO MAKE A MESS! And the house was just as they'd left it when they returned, whereupon we jumped and barked and were really happy especially as we got treats for being good.

The female peep says we shouldn't have worried everyone like we did and so we hope we haven't upset anyone. As a punishment, she's put a photo on of one of the throws from the sofa. It's quite artistic really, isn't it?

With wags and licks H&R xxxxx

November 10th at 20.44

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus....almost too tired to write, but not quite

What a fandabidosi day! We've been on the longest walk ever! No swimming but woodland and long long paths so we could run and explore and get dirty and eat 'things' and play and chase and have fun and - oh we could go on and on. In fact we just have!

Jester decided to stay at home but Monty pleaded to come too (see his pleading look -could you have resisted?). So off we went and picked up the female peep's sister who is really nice and good fun so we love her to bits. Lovely Aunty Helen was supposed to be coming too but at the last minute, she couldn't but she will come next time. We went in the car and had great fun growling and people and things out of the back window and then barking ferociously which made the female peep jump and nearly drive on the pavement.

We didn't know where we were when we leapt out of the car but the walk started immediately- no leads-just our style and apparently we walked all the way from Spofforth to Wetherby.

The female peep's sister was feeling a bit weary by then so insisted we stopped for coffee and cake (would you believe it, all we got was a bowl of cold water!!!!!), so we sat outside a posh cafe. Rufus sat on the female peep's chair with her and let the passing public adore him. A trainee guide dog passed, so we said hello to him too. He was only a month older than us but HUGE! We suspect we are not being fed enough and have applied in writing for larger helpings.

Energy restored to the humans we gambolled all the way back and found an extra muddy ditch just before it was time to go in the car, so we were extra popular.

So, we're well ready for a nap......for about ten minutes and then we'll be ready to play again!

Love and licks H&R xx

PS the human peep has just picked up Jester's anti-inflammatories from the vet -£47. She has gone for another lie down.

November 12th at 17.55

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......

We hear on the grapevine that there is a sequel due out which will excite fans of 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' etc. It is to be called Indiana and Jo's Stables of Doom! The female peep is always muttering about them when she's mucking out...

Today is tinged with sadness as our good chum Monty goes home tomorrow. We have been trying to make his last day one to remember. He has been a remarkable visitor for many reasons, though we do feel he is a bit too good to be true and his impeccable behaviour does leave us in a less than flattering light. How were we to know that

1) if you have to go to the vet (nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!) with a sore paw, then you sit nicely and hold up your bad paw when the vet asks you what's wrong? We just sit down so he can't examine our bottoms....

2) when the vet asks to weigh you, you stand like a show dog on the scales, rather than have to be wrestled onto them, along with a peep who then has to divulge how much they weigh so this can be subtracted from the total?

3) on Remembrance Sunday, you have to sit stock still for two minutes at 1100 in the morning, whatever you happened to be doing?

4) a good dog has a modest appetite, eats at a sensible pace and is then full and does not hanker for treats all the time?

5) it is better to submit to being hosed down when muddy rather than run and hide?

6) peeps will not notice if you sleep on the bed if you don't fidget?

When we came back from our walk, the female peep had laid on a huge feast for us, as a leaving party. There were sausages(proper ones), buns with gravy bones on, biscuits with liver pate, chicken nuggets, fish fingers, roast chicken skin bites, marrow bone rolls, rabbit kebabs, squirrel skewers, cakes and bonios and cheese. It all looked absolutely delicious and just as we were about to take our first bite.........we woke up and it was all a dream. Pah!

Never mind! You're welcome any time Monty.

Love and licks H&R xx

November 14th at 19.15

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

The house is quiet. A mouse coughs and the sound reverberates around the corridors. Mr Kipling, normally silent, miaows piteously and Tilly (ok usually very vocal ) joins him in a haunting duet that makes the hairs on the back of our necks stick up.

The male peep is subdued and morose. Nothing will make him smile.

Tumbleweed rolls across the kitchen floor.

The female peep is drinking wine........again and reaching for the chocolate.....

Jester lies forlornly on the carpet. Today she didn't want to go for a walk.

Ben rests his head on the female peep's shoulder. For comfort.

We lie symmetrically on the sofa, looking longingly at the empty Joules bed. An occasional tear creeps down our cheeks ( that's the John Lewis Christmas advert doing that.....or the Sainsburys one).

Why are we all so lost?

Monty went home today. He was very delighted to embrace his family and jump on their sofa! We will see him soon though so let's be lively and VERY naughty.....

Love and licks H&R xxx

November 14th at 21.00

The secret diary of Rufus and Hector.....highly suspicious.....

We are writing early today, partly because we have school this evening but more because it was vital that we announced the arrival of this VERY suspicious looking object that now has to be negotiated if we wish to get from the kitchen to the lounge. It makes jumping through hoops look a doddle. We are not sure what it is. Is it a very large section of large bowel? It could be. The female peep always had a hankering for being a bowel surgeon. Is it one of those things you throw out of the window when you've got the tumble dryer on?

We are very worried in case we are expected to go down there. Maybe if the peeps go first while we assume innocence and pretend we don't understand what to do..

November 17th at 21.45

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, part one- in big trouble..

Just when we thought we were having a good day. I mean we were only trying to help.

Rufus, spotting a small dirty mark on the sofa thoughtfully went and got the Persil washing liquid but by mistake took the top off and poured the entire contents over the sofa cushions.

With her customary efficiency, the female peep (she's good you know, there's no denying it) bundled the cushion covers into the washer as luckily they are washable. Then she had to go out (sob!). The male peep was tidying his study and so not paying us enough attention so we had to make our own entertainment so we decided to excavate the sofa. It's full of white clouds! How exciting. We made a fabulous reconstruction of a very blustery day all over the kitchen floor and then the male peep came in. Uh oh, he was incandescent with rage and threw us heartlessly into the dark coal hole.

The female peep released us, thank goodness or we might still be there now.

We love our tunnel. Here's a little video to show you how much. Then we've put on another video in the hopes that it will become an overnight internet sensation and the male peep will be so amazed that he forgets he is cross with us.

Love and licks H&R

Ps the female peep says we have to tell you that we don't have a coal hole, just in case any of you were worried

November 18th at 17300

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, always ready to help....

This morning the female peep announced that she was going to repair the sofa, so we decided to help her! She cut up a big old sheet to make a complete new cushion side and then sewed it carefully together. We love her sooooo much, we wanted to sit very close and learn how to sew. She told us a sad sad story of how, when she was twelve, everyone had to make a dress in needlework ( we think she is referring to Victorian times as nobody does that now). Because she finished first, she was allowed to put it on and show everyone else and the whole room erupted in laughter. She is still in counselling and has never made anything since. A psychologist would have a field day interpreting her love for sewing human flesh and innards.

When she had finished we helped her put the sofa back together - we sat just where she wanted to put things. It was great fun.

We must have done something right because this afternoon we went for a fabuloso walk in the woods and by the river, getting muddier than we've ever been and running and running. Even Ben is pooped!

And best of all we have a reconstructed sofa to go to sleep on.

Love and licks from two very contented boys, H&R xxxx

November 19th at 18.00

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, model dogs both in behaviour and appearance

Look carefully at this photo. Is there anyway that this dog could be naughty? No, of course not. We think the male peep( still angry) has been having hallucinations about us, the effect of too much sherry possibly or oxygen deprivation while burrowing through our tunnel.

We've been perfectly behaved today. If you disregard the incidents with the mud, the man with beige trousers on, the carpet in the lounge and the pile of donkey poo, all of which need a mere glossing over, we have been everybody's dream of the perfect pet.

The female peep has a horrible flare up of her eczema on her face and is off to the doc tomorrow. She fears it is allergy to naughty puppies but has already kindly said that if it is, she will move out so we can stay! But that would mean staying with the angry male peep ..........and he might forget to feed us!

Personally, we suspect those cats...they've been snuggling up a lot more since the weather got worse. Mind you, they make useful antimacassars ( yes, we are extremely intelligent and have a huge vocabulary)- see other pic.

Love and licks H&R xxx

November 22nd at 20.45

The secret diary of Rufus

I've stolen the diary and pen as I feel it is vital I let you all know how well I did at school last night and how I was MUCH better than Hector. We were amazed when we arrived as the Christmas decorations were up, so we had to check these for bones, biscuits and strips of liver before we even began. However Ms Vi Merana was not in a Yuletide mood and barked at us to sit, walk to heel, go DOWN ( she always booms this one out), wait, stay, go round, fetch, seek ( but sadly no hide, which is what we felt like doing when we first joined). She then said that dogs have a limited vocabulary- I beg to disagree, if she thinks we can understand all the aforementioned words plus of course more important words such as walking, teatime, cheese, chew stick and CAT!

Hector wouldn't fetch- a poor do for a retrieving dog. I of course did.

I would award myself a gold medal but that today, has to go to Jester who patiently walked beside Noah up and down the river bank, with him hanging on to her lead.

I'm off now to bask in my glory,

Love and licks Rufus xxx

The secret diary of Hector

I'm not sure where Rufus is but this gives me a chance to let you all know how much better I was than him at school yesterday. Were he helping me write he would point out that I refused to fetch but let me tell you that I sat, went DOWN, stayed, waited, came, went, did a pirouette and an impersonation of the Salivating wolf when no one was looking!

We've had a lovely day as the tunnel has been up all day so we have been running up and down it from the kitchen to the lounge. The only problem is that we keep meeting peeps in there- large ones and small ones. I thought it was for dogs only(keep out Mr Kipling and Tilly).

Will someone please tell the female peep that it is not a good idea walking around with Peppa Pig stickers on her face when her skin is in the state it's in( think lizard and you won't be far wrong).

Love and licks Hector xxx

November 23rd at 19.51

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, reunited with their pen

We love Sundays! Actually, thinking about it, we love every day! There's nothing that guarantees daily happiness as much as being a labrador. When she was working, the female peep used to have patients coming in for their cervical smears who said, 'I'm coming back as a man' and she would reply that she was coming back as a labrador!

Reasons to be cheerful

1) the female peep no longer looks like a lizard, but when she blinks there's a blizzard of flaky skin ( too much information, says Jester, photo girl of the day).

2) we have had great fun playing in the tunnel with Noah

3) Noah has gone home so we have the tunnel all to ourselves

4) Noah didn't want his lunch so we had it(when he wasn't looking)

5) we can still climb onto the dining table -we tried it out this morning but were found up there by the female peep (FP) who was not best pleased). It was a wasted journey- there was no cheese there

6) we are getting very excited about Christmas. The male peep is off to Northallerton with two of those donkeys next Sunday to the Olde Christmas Fayre, so we hope he takes us too

7) we spent the morning looking at some old photos. Ha ha, the female peep looks very funny pushing her dog on wheels when she was fifteen, oops, we mean two.

She's put lots of photos on her website (unashamed plug for so if you want to ooh and aah at us and our friends in the flush of youth, have a look.

The male peep is about to have another meal! How come he gets three a day and we only get two (plus snacks)?

Love and licks H & R xxxxx

ps for those who asked, Ms Vi Merana is seven foot tall, has green hair, fangs, fire comes from her nostrils and her fingernails are ten inches long. Plus she has warts! So yes, she is very scary......ooh, we are quivering at the thought.

Novemberr 24th at 20.45

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

So, we are puzzled. What is this thing called Christmas that everyone is talking about? We heard Noah and Jester discussing it and felt duty bound to find out more.....

Firstly we went down to the paddock and asked the donkeys. They said it's a very exciting time when they go out and star in nativity plays and get lots of carrots and apples.

Hmmm, we were no clearer, so we swallowed our pride and asked the ....cats. They said there is a tree in the lounge which you have to climb up, right to the top and it has lots of decorations which it is important to jettison onto the floor overnight to keep the peeps amused as they put them all back on the next morning.

Still not impressed we asked wise Jester and heard all about snow, frosty walks, extra treats and presents! Yey, that sounds better. So we have spent the afternoon writing to this chap Santa Paws and here is a copy of our list.

1) large chewy bones

2) biscuits in the shape of holly leaves

3) loads of soft toys for us to destroy

4) new throws for the sofa- we've nearly finished the current ones

5) a map of local dog walks

6) a fortnight off from Ms Vi Merana

7) lights round our kennel, preferably ones that flash on and off and that are multicoloured

8) Turkey dinner- yum

And, finally but most importantly.....TWO little sisters, preferably yellow......

We don't think we're asking for much, do you?

Love and licks H&R xxxx

November 25th at 17.15

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

As dogs, we have many roles to perform. We entertain, amaze, amuse, annoy(who us? Never) appreciate, adore and exhibit dogged devotion.

Today though has been a sad day at Lamb Hill as we had to say goodbye to Happy Valley Just-a-Phlip ( known to her friends as Flippy). Anno domini got the better of this elegant grey donkey mare and that awful decision had to be taken for the best reasons. A faithful friend to the other donkeys, she lived life to the full until recently when the pleasure had gone from her days and we knew all was not well. All the donkeys and ponies were there at the gate to say goodbye. Gulp! Sob! They knew.

So we have been sympathetic, supportive, adoring, understanding, empathic and NOT QUITE AS NAUGHTY AS USUAL as the peeps have been upset.

Only us dogs can be so versatile.

To cheer everyone up after this sad post, here's a photo of the female peep's slipper socks ( thank you Molly). We cannot work out why there is a pony attached to each of her ankles when she could have a puppy. But then we spend most of our time attached to her anyway.

Love and licks H&R xxx

November 26th  at 18.30

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

Look at that photo. Talk about butter wouldn't melt, the innocence of youth etc etc. Huh!

And because they sit so cutely, they never get blamed for anything! It's just not fair.

Take today for example. The female peep went out ( yes, went out), shortly followed by the male peep ( he's always going out). We were left with Jester and Ben and while we were alternately sleeping or reading improving texts from important works such as Jane Eyredale and listening to our favourite composers, Bach and the Pet Shop Boys, those extremely naughty and wicked cats......

Went on the table and got down a box of chocolates and ate the ones that were left( ugh! orange creams and strawberry creams ie the ones that always get left), ate the box, ate half an apple, went on the worktop and took down a jar of our biscuits and ate them all!!!!, ate half a shoe, made a start on the only remaining throw and ate a photo frame.

It's a disgrace. What more can we say? They must be chased.

Love and licks H&R xxxx

Ps the female peep has told us we must always tell the truth- what does she mean?

November 28th at 20.45

The secret diary of Rufus and Hector

Just back from school! Never mind Black Friday, in our book it's Black Labrador Friday, which is much more fun and doesn't involve fighting over TV sets etc in well known supermarkets. It involves us fighting all round the house and generally getting under peeps' feet.

We've been trying to make the best of all this foggy weather (see photo of Ben looking outside to see if it has cleared) and have spent the day being , to quote the female peep, 'completely crazy and unstoppable.'

Ms Vi Merana was quite pleased with us, we think. We have been practising hard. She didn't growl quite as much as usual but that might be because she had laryngitis. She had bought sausage bits for treats and told us that there's to be a Christmas party in three weeks and we will play games such as pin the tail on the cat, chase the cat, pass the cat in a parcel and off course British Bulldogs ( the female peep says she wasn't allowed to play this at her school as it was said to be too dangerous for genteel ladies). It sounds great fun.

Now we're home and we've decided to have a little lie down as all that concentrating is very tiring for star pupils like us.

Love and licks H&R

Ps more tomorrow when our energy is restored! Xx

November 29th at 16.35

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus

After our triumph at school when it came to 'fetch', we had the opportunity to practise on our walk this morning because there were lots of bangs nearby ( the male peep said it was gunshot, the female peep said it was champagne corks - that says a lot, doesn't it?) and Ben was scared and wouldn't run after the ball. What a wuss! Normally he won't let us have a look in.

You will notice a couple of things. Firstly we are made to walk in the nude, unlike some of our FB friends (who we would so like to play with...Billy, Poppy to name just two). The female peep has pointed out that it would be a nuisance, having to undress and then switch to swimming trunks on the banks of the river, when we want to go swimming and then get dry and change back. She has a point though....

Secondly, you will notice the Ms Vi Merana technique employed. This involves fetching the ball, employing good team work, retrieving it and then having a nasty fight. Apparently we're not supposed to do that last bit but step at a time.

Hector is very good at sit and stay. The peeps are very proud of him but ha ha don't realise that this is so they leave the room for longer and longer, giving him time to raid the fridge. These peeps are so gullible!

Love and licks H&R xxxx

November 30th at 16.15

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, party planners extraordinaire

With the festive season rapidly creeping up on us all, it seemed only fair that we share some hints for a successful party. We are, of course, party animals (dogs) and love getting invitations or inviting our chums to come to our kennel.

So today we are going to teach you how to play crocodiles.

Mention has been made of this game in earlier entries and much as we would like to take credit for its invention, sadly, we cannot, as it was created by one of our predecessors, the wonderful Sam, who passed the rules down to Douglas and Jester and of course, she taught Ben, who taught us (hope you are keeping up here, there is a test on our family tree at the end).

This is a game for two players. You need an umpire who preferably has an earless rabbit. Don't ask why, it's too complicated. Then, the two contestants compete to see who can snap their jaws most at the other. Marks are given for loud snaps, tuneful growling and surprise tactics; bonuses for glimpses of tonsils and cleanliness of teeth. The good thing about this game is that there are no time limits. We play for hours, every day(hence we are experts) and it is guaranteed to make a lot of noise and drive peeps bonkers.

Variations can include staying fairly still on a dismantled sofa (see video) or making use of the entire house and/ or garden.

The aim of the game is of course to bamboozle the umpire and claim the earless rabbit as a trophy. Following this an optional extra is annoying the umpire and trying to get him to play too ( the threesome game is only for experts).

If you are interested message or email us for an instruction manual, it is only 2745 pages long and written by us, so there are a few spelling mistakes.

Hope you enjoy it!

Love and licks H&R xxxx