The Official Website  for Carol Margaret Tetlow

January 1st at 11.00

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.....reformed characters

Happy New Year to all. May the new year bring you peace and joy and much happiness. Some of you may have been worried as we have not been writing in our diary but we have been giving serious thought to our new year resolutions, as of course one should.

Here they are.......

1) we will try not to be quite as naughty as last year.

2) we will not eat the female peep's slippers until she has had them for at least a fortnight.

3) we will not eat them while they are actually on her feet

4) we will strive to do our best at Ms Vi Merana's classes.

5) we will not eat throws, remote controls, cushions, sofas or any other items of value

6) we will not roll in fox poo or find dead fish

7) we will not eat donkey poo

8) we will not swap collars to confuse the male peep

9) we will help with leftovers once they have been removed from the table, not while they are on the table

10) we will not laugh at the male peep's new hairstyle (see photo)

And for those who have read the above and are concerned, we have written this in invisible ink so in three minutes it will disappear and we can go back to being ourselves!


Love and licks H&R xxxxxx

Ps thank you to all who made today such wonderful fun  

January 4th at 19.20

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus, secretly rather relieved....

Today the visitors, one of who, had turned into a patient left and we decided that the decorations should come down. The female peep needed a bit of a nudge, so we played a game of chase, which, once we had done skid turns in the kitchen and galloped into the lounge, included a top speed turn under and around the Christmas tree. It made a lovely tinkling and rustling noise as we did so. Once we had repeated this several times, the female peep got the hint and started dismantling it, using that time honoured tradition bauble in the box, one chocolate decoration in the mouth. It was amazing that they were all her favourite chocolate. How lucky was that?

Then she set about tidying, so we sat on the sofa to watch- we were quite tired by then. Jigsaw pieces went into boxes, train track filed away, books and little magnets put in their appropriate places to say nothing of the trains, boats and planes (that could be a song) that were also picked up.

At one point we where woken from our reveries when she screamed but it turned out that she'd just seen something! It was the carpet! It's not been visible for the last ten days!

Luckily we soon had her feeling better and then we had to turn our attentions to the male peep who is not very well.

Still, we've had a lovely time for our first Christmas. We've had lovely presents, eaten yummy things, welcomed wonderful visitors, been on exciting walks and broken all our resolutions ( well, they didn't last long, but we tried). We've made an excellent start on one of the new throws and taken command of all the cats' toys- that'll teach them to spend a fortnight up the tree.

Now we can concentrate on new adventures and boo, the fast approaching new term.

Us boys got tartan collars but Jester got this rather risqué leopard skin one, which she insisted on us showing you!

January 5th at 17.15

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.......conspiring together on a new venture -be afraid, be very afraid....

Hot on the paws of celebrities such as Davina McCollie we are venturing into the keep fit market and producing our own fitness video, to help all the peeps who were unable to resist the temptations of the festive season and find themselves with an extra bulge or two that they would like to be rid of.

Here's the first attempt. Give it a go. We can assure you that you will shed those unwanted inches in a matter of days, if you keep practising. This must be repeated at least once daily.

Watch the video then take off all your clothes. Note that we were not wearing any. You are now ready to begin. Ignore the yellow creature- you may be forgiven for thinking it's Jester but actually it was a passing polar bear- it was a very cold day.

Before the chilblains can start and your lips turn blue (not an attractive look), plunge yourselves into the icy waters of your local river. Splash a lot (burns more calories and prevents hypothermia). Run out and then scamper with some good friends and relatives along the river bank, past the local haunted fisherman's hut and back to the start.

Repeat fifty times.

Go back home in the car -do not bother to re-dress, just keep your heads down as you are driving. Have a brisk rub down with a towel and then snuggle up on the sofa, preferably on one of the new throws and wake five minutes before tea time so that you can harass the cook until she gets up and serves up! The fact that you have expended so much energy earlier in the day will ensure that your metabolic rate is still raised and so you can have what ever you want to eat! Simples!

We can see this being a best-seller.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx

January 6th at 18.60

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus....seeing treble

We are a testament to our fitness video- notice our shiny coats, slim waists and take it from us, our noses are cold and wet.

Our walk today was especially good as, just when we got back to the car, after much running, some press ups, a few crunchies( not the chocolate bar) and some splendid bursts of cardio work plus of course the swim, we met up with chums Austin, Morris, Daisy and Rudy with their female peep, who started gossiping to our female peep and before we knew it we'd done the walk again!

So we were well ready for a snooze when we got back and didn't mind too much when the female p

eep went out for lunch with her sister. She rang before she set off to come home and was relieved to hear the male peep ( still snuffling) that we had been very quiet and no trouble at all.

Oh dear.....when will he learn that silence, in our case, is not golden but a time to start worrying?

Still it didn't take more than half an hour for the female peep to clear up the neatly dissected cushion which was actually rather disappointing as there was nothing very exciting in there, just white clouds. We did feel let down by this so, to cheer us up we vented our spleens on a tweed rabbit, a woolly hat and one slipper.

Jester has been quite grumpy today. We've been reading up about this and suspect the menopaws.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxx

January 7th at 18.15

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......feeling creative

We've decided to write a novel. So many others do, it must be easy. We've asked Jester for her advice. We were trying to get back in her good books as she wasn't best pleased by yesterday's suggestion that she was menopawsal. She has been asking for horBONE replacement therapy ever since and we're fed up with fetching her gravy bones.

It is important to have a racy plot and one which keeps your readers interested. Also a catchy title and also a nom de plume that gets you noticed. So the first attempt we came up with was Dogwarts, School for Magic Dogs and we were going to change our names to Jay Kay Growling but then we thought that we don't have warts, our complexions are perfect.

Back to square one...and chapter one. Title to be confirmed later.

It was a wild and stormy day. We had a small breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, hash browns, toast and cereal (cocoa pups). Then we went for a walk. The wind whistled across the fields, bending the leafless branches and our ears were blown back, making it quite chilly on our eardrums.

We reached the pungent lagoon and dived in, fighting back the evil, multi-tentacled sea serpents in order to fetch the ball. We did lots of running and then went home for a bath, a sleep on the sofa and then collieflower cheese for our tea.

Hmmm, we're a bit stuck now and it probably should be a bit longer, we think. Perhaps we should stick with the fitness video......

The female peep has suggested we should just stick to our diary. She may be correct. Though we hate to admit it, she usually is.

Love and licks H&R xxxxx

January 8th at 17.55

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......bewildered

Here am I, Hector playing with one of my new toys. It was great fun as it moved, wriggled when nibbled, purred when nuzzled but didn't appreciate it when I tried to remove its stuffing. The female peep drew my attention to the fact that it was Tilly the cat, being friendly......well we all make mistakes.

Otherwise the day started off normally enough- a run round the fields, assisting with the mucking out, a tiny breakfast of cereal, kippers, kedgeree, croissants, toast and Danish pastries (how do they expect us to grow and have healthy bones?) and then the magic word- w...a...l....k.

We went to the river to do our exercise routine. As you can see from the video, we are strong believers in that old saying 'why keep a dog and bark yourself?'

Then suddenly it all changed. The peeps (yes, BT had been dragged out for some fresh air) were close to tears yet seemed to be laughing and celebrating. The sun came out. A trio of trumpets appeared from behind a tree to play a fanfare, an angelic host stepped out from behind the clouds to serenade us, Chinese lanterns were let off, fireworks exploded noiselessly(so as not to frighten us) into fountains of gold and silver sparkles. Worms stood on their tails to clap, fish jumped up out of the icy torrents and waved their fins and Canada geese yelled celebratory screeches from the skies.

Why, why, why?

Was it Christmas again?

Had the peeps won the lottery?

Had the peeps completely and finally lost the plot (they do come pretty close at several times each day)?

No, none of those, as it turned out. After a day being completely bemused, we saw the female peep writing her diary (oh! does she do one too?) and read it over her shoulder. It said:- A historic walk today with Hector having his first wee on three legs.

For goodness' sake. They HAVE lost the plot!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxx (ooh, we can't put a photo and a video on, so they're going on separately…

January 9th at 19.15

The secret diary of Hector and a challenging mood.....

If you are anything like the male peep, then you are fed up with a) the flu-ey illness that has played havoc with your energy levels and annoyed you with the recurrent nature of its symptoms and b) the post-noel depression. We haven't had a visitor for 2 days!

So,ever the reliable source of cheeriness and entertainment, here's another puzzle for you. The 'spot the difference' photos went down very well, even though nobody got the answer right, so this time we've got Spot the Odd One Out! Look carefully at the photos and decide which one is the odd one out and (because otherwise it would be far too easy) why!

The prize is fabulous. A free fitness exercise session with us! A basic level of fitness is required. You may like to consult your personal physician and optician first as you will be expected to charge around the house, over and under the beds, leap over the back of the sofa, jump on the table, gallop to the barn and back, career up and down the river bank and of course, swim with us (much better than swimming with dolphins in the nice warm Floridian waters). Don't forget that good coordination is called for as when you jump off the table, it's preferred that you land on the ipad. Lunch is provided. A starter of the green throw on the sofa, main course is roast chicken with gravy (bones) and dessert is crunchy cat food, assorted flavours.

So get your thinking caps on now! Answers tomorrow.....if you're lucky. We're off to pull up the drawbridge from the howling gale and wait for Collienation Street, one of our Friday favourites.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx     

January 10th at 18.45

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..........speechless

We are amazed and grateful for the enormous numbers of entries we have received for yesterday's competition. We have spent all day sifting through eleven large sacks of postcards, just over nine thousand emails and the phone has not stopped ringing. Thank you all. We had no idea that the temptation of a fitness day with us was so popular.

We expect many (or all) of you have been unable to sleep for excitement and have kept checking on FB to see if the answer is posted.

Well, wait no longer, you are about to be put out of your misery.

And the winner is....................sadly there is no winner as nobody got the correct answer. What a shame. Never mind there will be other opportunities as we will post more competitions and now that the female peep has just signed the contract with her fab publisher for the next novel, the prizes might be even more exciting.

Please don't be disappointed. Making it too easy would soon result in loss of enthusiasm.

Today's photo is Mr Kipling, looking stern. He terrifies us.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx

Ps oh! What was the answer? The odd one out was C, Jester as she is the only one with a fudge coloured nose. Simples!

January 12th at 16.30

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus or if you're looking at the photos, Rufus (L) and Hector (R)..........relieved.....

Yesterday, we were just sitting quietly as we do, Hector doing a little work on his embroidery, Rufus reading the Hound of the Baskervilles in Esperanto when there was a knock on the door. Our ears went up, our tails wagged and we jumped off the sofa. Hooray! Visitors! The female peep opened the door and was knocked sideways into the water bowl, as were we. At ninety two miles per hour (we know these things, ie slightly slower than we run) in came a brown tornado who, although she hasn't visited for several months, performed an immediate food search around the kitchen. Was she from the police? Was this a stray who hadn't eaten for three weeks? Was she coming to stay, more worryingly? She looked in the cat litter tray, she looked in the cat food house, she checked all the work tops and the cooker tops. She checked the table top and under the table and all we could see was a brown blur, hovering up crumbs and fluff. Defeated, she sat down and we finally had an opportunity to say hello to Milly, choccy labrador and well known scavenger, whose most recent forbidden snack (that we and her owners know of) was a box of liqueur chocolates.

 We have never before seen such time-effective hunting and checking. We took notes, so that we can do it better in future. Fortunately she couldn't reach the stash of gravy bones we have though she came perilously close to the Christmas dog biscuits we got. There are limits to what we will put up with, even though we are known for our hospitality. Ben was quite taken with Milly's sister Olive, who is blonde and good like Jester(though slimmer).

 It's taken us all day to recover. We haven't even had the energy to work on the tunnel that we're digging in our latest attempt to escape from the confines of our kennel and success is not that far away. The female peep has pointed out that when we break free, we will simply find ourselves in another confined area and our efforts will have been in vain but we're sure she's having us on.......

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx

 PS we're growing up to be quite good looking aren't we?   

Tuesday January 13th at 20.15

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.......exasperated.

Many of you (well none of you actually but we know that you're burning with curiosity really) have been asking how Jester is getting on with her fabulous flight of stairs. So here's a progress report. She's a little wary, so we are training her with gravy bones, one on each step, to coax her up and reassure her that there is nothing to worry about. We test the gravy bones regularly to check they are up to standard.

Firstly, we thought it a good idea to bring the stairs into the kitchen, as the bed is quite high, so this seems like a good starter.

As you can see, she has certainly got the idea about the gravy bones and what to do with them.

Maybe a little more training is required........but we feel this is a good start.

You may also wonder what the dirty marks in the top right hand corner on the cushion are. Well, we've been experimenting with some charcoal drawings. We brought in a burnt stick from the bonfire when nobody was looking and in no time at all, we had made a fabulous collection of artwork on the cushions and on the carpet. The female peep clearly does not understand talent when she sees it. Our many skills are simply lying dormant, desperate to be discovered. Huh!

Love and licks H&R xxxx   

Wednesday January 14th at 18.20

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......always inspirational.

Snow! At last! Not very much but enough to make our paws and noses freeze cold so that it was fun to jump on the male peep and wake him up!

We do know though that not everyone likes snow and some prefer to stay in the warm, watching TV and doing puzzles. So, always eager to help and lateral thinkers, we have made up a new puzzle for you. We hope it translates onto FB. There is a chance it might not, in which case we apologise.

A word search - with a difference in that there are no clues. You have to see how many words you can find relating to us....of course, who else. Excellent prize for the winner of a whole term of education with Ms Vi Merana, for you or your dog.








Hmmm, well you may need to write this out in more of a square. We tried. Here goes. We give ourselves marks for trying. Here's a clue, there are over ten words to look for!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxx

Friday January the 16th at 19.43

The secret diary of Hector and hiding

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, we carolled gaily on our walk this morning as we fought our way through a blizzard. So much for thefemale peep's app which said it was going to be sunny all day. She was way too giddy anyway having just seen the link from her fabulous publisher about Faith, Hope and Clarity.

We loved running in the snow. We looked like inside-out dalmatians. Even Jester plodded gamely on, even though she was counting the steps until we got back to the car.

It's been a day of very good news, well, for the most part. Jester used the steps to get onto the sofa, Noah has come to play for the weekend which means there will be extra nibbles for us on the floor (he's trying chicken nuggets tonight- we hope he hates them.....) and there is snow forecast for tomorrow.

So, there we were, lying tranquilly and contentedly in the conservatory, snoozing on and off with one eye and one ear open so we didn't miss anything and then two thuds were heard as far off as Ripon-the sound of our hearts falling into our boots. Initially, we thought we'd misheard and that the male peep had said 'jewels tonight'. Had he had a change of character and bought the female peep something sparkly and expensive instead of his usual gift of some new hoover bags? How pleased would she be? Probably so overwhelmed that she'd give us open access to the gravy bones.

But no, he'd said 'school's tonight'.

How can he expect us to go out in this weather? We both have tummy ache and need a lie down. We are hiding......

Love and licks H&R xxxxx   

Saturday January the 17th at 18.22

The secret diary of Rufus.........very worried and afraid

Dear Diary,

How can I show this to the female peep and my brother Hector? I have fretted over this all day, not eaten my dinner or breakfast (yes, it's that bad) and completely omitted to roll in a rotting carcase I came across on our walk.

Friday Jan 16th 2015

To the female owner and Hector Tetlow from Ms Vi Merana, president, headmistress (or possibly headmaster, no one is sure), superintendent, spotted belt in martial arts -note martial, NOT marital (ie even higher than a black belt), world champion fire breather (no artificial assistance required) and two times award winner for the most fearsome teacher on the planet(hoping for a third win this year).

If you both think that the paltry excuse of a sore throat and fever is going to excite any sympathy from me, then you have another think coming. The ethos of my school is to create beings with iron will and fortitude of steel, not wusses who fall by the wayside after being nibbled by a mild virus. The absence of Hector at school tonight did not go unnoticed and the fact that the male peep brought a letter signed independently by twenty seven different ENT consultants makes no difference whatsoever.

This was clearly a ruse to distract me from the real reason for your non-attendance, ie you have not done your homework.

I expect you both to attend next Friday. If you do not then there will be severe consequences in the form of no gravy bones for one month for Hector and no Twirl bites for the female peep. Yes! That's got you very afraid, hasn't it? I know how to aim for the jugular.

I also note that that small peep is visiting again. Why is he sitting on Jester's steps watching Come Whine with Me (yes I know we've had that joke before but that's what was really on tv) followed by Where Beagles Dare? Is he putting Hector off his training schedule. You may like to bring the small peep to school next Friday and then I can enrol him in my class.

Yours with a growl

Oh dear diary, I did try to be good enough for two. Ms Vi Merana did say I was the best black lab there but we know what that means........

Wish me luck as I share the above letter. All gifts of chops, liver pate on oatcakes, large portions of beef casserole and roast chicken welcome -you know the sort of thing- just little morsels that brighten a labrador's life. Oh, and cake.

Love and licks Rufus xxxxx

January the 17th at 19.22

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......chests puffed out with pride

Today we have been discussing the wonderful but hardly surprising (in our minds) news from the BBC that the most popular dog in the UK is the Labrador retriever. Well, why not? Let's face it we are

1) adorable and good looking

2) intelligent

3) obedient

4) quiet and unassuming

5) very tiny when we curl up in a ball and go to sleep

We are very good for peeps because

1) we make them exercise (good for heart -the panic when we disappear - and lungs -when they have to call us because we still haven't come back)

2) we prevent over-indulgence because we remove excess food from the work tops and eat it ourselves (how self-sacrificing)

3) they can sleep peacefully knowing full well that if burgled, we will welcome the burglars with open paws and lick them to death

4) we minimise washing up with our useful tongues

5) repeated stroking of our soft, velvety noses apparently lowers blood pressure(which is good because most of our activities raise blood pressure)

We never

1) eat what we shouldn't

2) destroy things -belonging to us or others

3) lie on the peeps' bed (well not often)

4) bring mud into the house (it comes in on its own of course)

5) stick our tongues out at the cats

In the video, Rufus only takes hold of the throw because he is about to tidy up.......of course!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx

PS we're hoping we might get a treat for writing this...…

January 20th at 16.05pm

The secret diary of Hector and nursemaid mode, aided but more abetted by Jester and Ben

We are worry to announce that the female peep has succumbed to an illness of unknown origin and so our diary today must be a medical report on her condition.

Pulse- 150 ( or maybe that was ours)

Respiratory rate - distressed but then Rufus is sitting on her head while she is on the sofa

Fluid intake- 49 glasses of squash (no added sugar) and two mugs of something hot that could have been either tea or coffee, they both tasted the same

Diet - toast and two satsumas and one jelly sweet in the shape of a tennis racquet to remind her of what she's going to do when she's better.

Trips to the bathroom on account of fluid intake- too many to count but she keeps waking us up because of course we have to go with her.

Animal most resembled when speaks - frog with a bad froat

Animal most resembled when coughs- sea lion, though she flatly refuses to try balancing a ball on her nose ( we thought this might cheer her up).

Number of concerned looks from BT- 986

Look of relief on his face when she made him baked beans on toast for lunch - indescribable.

Number of hours BT has been out ( he couldn't bear to look at her any longer) -2.5 (and he's going out this evening)

Number of dirty paw marks we have left as mementoes on her dressing gown.......oooops!

She'll soon be better with us looking after her, though she may have a bad neck if Rufus doesn't move soon.....

Love and licks H&R xxxxx   

January 21st at 18.00

The secret medical report of Hector and alternative mode

What a busy day, trying to coax the female peep back to good health! Ever resourceful, we have been thinking laterally and looking at alternative therapies. We have tried some crystal therapy ( we brought ice in from outside), cold nose therapy (not well received) and aromatherapy ( but her nose is blocked so she was unable to smell our bodily emissions).

We have provided occupational therapy in the form of the lamb, which we have carefully removed the stuffing from so that she can replace it. And we've done that not once, not twice but three times- each time from a different orifice. We have tried the wet stuffed rabbit therapy ( bring soaking toy in from the garden and deposit in lap) and bibliotherapy, when we have sat on the book she's reading and got in the way.

This afternoon we put on a three act play for her, a drama called 'Crocodiles' which went on for nearly half an hour and was staged largely on her lap, so she didn't miss any of the subtle nuances that the crocodiles were saying to each other.

Hopefully our hard work will pay off. If not, then another day of daytime TV should definitely do the trick. Quite where she is going to put the stairlift she has bought, we haven't a clue.

Love and optimistic licks H&R xxxxx

Ps today's photo is beautiful Nurse Jester

PPS we think we'll just disembowel the lamb again..      

January 23rd at 18.02

The secret dairy of Hector and Rufus............rather disgruntled for two reasons

1) Copy of a letter to the managing director of SCOTTIE toys

Dear Sir,

Your name and promise belies your produce. Call yourselves SCOTTIE? So Completely and Overwhelming Tough That Indestructiblity Ensured? Pah? You reckon without including the power of labradors.

Larry the Lamb arrived at Christmas. Yes, we know that it's now Jan 23rd but it took us a while to herd him into a corner, bearing in mind that he is the same size as us. However, once we had wrestled him to the ground, we had a leg off within minutes and had removed his stuffing from his rear end shortly afterwards. We suspect a career in colonic irrigation awaits us..... Major surgery has been undertaken and a mint sauce dressing applied. His presence is a little sinister. Ben has using him to aid sleep but gets a bit fed up as there's only one of him to count. Still it seems to work.....(see photo)

We are bitterly disappointed as we thought we had met our match.

We would like to offer our services to your firm as testers for future produce. In order to test your products to the full, we feel it would be beneficial to all if you stuffed them with something more tempting than white clouds. How about minced beef (perhaps not appropriate for a lamb), grated cheese (would squash nicely into all small bits of anatomy) or cold ham, mixed with sausage meat.

We await your reply

H&R, slightly growly and not very pleased.

2) The female peep, against medical (well BT's) advice went off to Strictly Come Dancing in Leeds last night with her sister, sister's friend Margaret and Aunty Helen Norris. LEAVING US BEHIND! Aunty Helen was wearing her glitter ball earrings......

Love and licks H&R xxxxx  

January 24th at 18.47

The secret diary of Hector and entrepreneurial mode

Ladieeeeees and gentlemen, peeps and animal friends, we are proud to announce that, hot on the tail of our successful fitness video, we have produced some educational videos for you to make your lives easier, thus securing more quality time for you all to spend sending us gravy bones.....oops we mean relaxing.

This one is called How To Prepare Lamb.

1) preheat the oven to 191C

2) round up the lamb and secure it to the floor

3) bite through the stitches so carefully inserted by the female peep/surgeon yesterday

4) delicately remove the stuffing, taking care to check for anything edible

5) don't forget to check what's on TV half way through

6) always be in the look out for unwanted visitors such as a poisonous snake (masquerading as a boa for the fashion conscious ) and be prepared to attack as necessary

7) you'll probably be tired by now so have a rest and a snack and drink.

Good eh? In the next video we will be advising you of recipes you can make once your lamb is prepared. Look forward to ( because we cater for all tastes) mouse-aka (very popular with the cats) and our particular fave lassie-agne.  

January 24th at 17.07

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......baffled, but only temporarily

In honour of the start of Paris fashion week, we proudly present the latest garment that just everyone who is anyone wants. Modelled here by a well known acquaintance of ours (ewe might recognise him), we created this three legged, ewesful, onesie this morning in a matter of minutes. Pay close attention to the snug rolled collar and close-fitting derriere.

Made entirely from a piece of expensive material (which some of you may think you recognise as one of the old throws from the sofa which we have eaten but of course it isn't) you too can be the proud owner and wearer of this cutting edge piece of fashion for just £9832.21p. Also available in dark brown, fawn with white spots and red (the similarity of colours available to the colours of the old throws is entirely coincidental). Please make cheques payable to Hector and Rufus -Couture gurus extraordinaire.

Love and Licks H&R xxxx

PS between you and us, if that female peep thinks that this is going to stop us chewing and disembowelling that annoying sheep, she's got another think coming!

Love and licks H&R xxxxx    

January 26th at 17.13

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus............feeling medical

Oh my goodness! What has happened to the male peep? Walking along by the river this morning, all seemed well although there were no rotting carcases to roll in (boo) and suddenly, the male peep was on the floor. What is the diagnosis? We know you love a quiz but appreciate that not all of you are medically qualified, so out of the kindness of our hearts, we are prepared to make this a multiple choice question. We have included the close up of his face so you can check for more clinical signs- are his lips blue/pink/ashen? Why the horrid grimace -could it be lockjaw?

Think carefully and use all the clues available. Why are the dog leads round his neck? Does he really go out in public in that hat? Why are we (and Ben) looking so concerned?

Pick your answer:

A) collapse due to malnutrition (the female peep is limiting his dietary intake)

B) extreme fatigue and stopped for a snooze

C) due to his red indian ancestry he is listening for the sound of approaching hooves

D) he's trying (unsuccessfully) to do a one armed press up

E) he's trying to reach a ball which has gone down a rabbit hole

F) he is demonstrating the recovery position at a first aid conference

G) he is having a temper tantrum

Answers as usual on a ppc, email, txt, pigeon, owl or whatever. Today's prize is .......well, a surprise......

Love and licks H&R xxxxx  

January 27th at 19.47

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.........devoted to cheering everyone up

Thank you everyone for all the entries yesterday. We know that you are all on the edge of your seats waiting for the correct answer, which was of course that the male peep was trying to get our ball out of a rabbit hole!

Sadly he was not successful and had some curious nibbly teeth marks on the end of his fingers when he removed his arm.

Still full marks for trying, we say. The prize, for those of you who won, is US coming to stay with you for three weeks and introducing you to our own particular type of feng shui.

And owing to the popularity of yesterday's competition, we have come up with another one for today.

Who is this? Look closely

The answer is one of the following....

A) Peppa Pig

B) Ben

C) a male model modelling this year's popular lumberjack shirt

D) Michael Buble

E) the male peep

F) miss Piggy

G) David BeckHAM (get it?)

H) one of my patients with a nasty rash that needs oinkment

Well! That should keep you all guessing. Sorry we make these puzzles so hard!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx   

January 28th at 16.14

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus....................optimists

well, what a day! Rain, sleet, snow, bitter winds, frozen paws, icy claws and subzero river temperatures. But were we bothered? No -we loved it! We ran, we chased, we played, we fought, we swam. Hector found a leg (species unidentified) and ate it, including claws. Jester did an amazing magic trick. She went behind a tree, had a roly poly and emerged a completely different colour from normal! How about that? Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Sadly the peeps were quite so impressed as we were and she had to have a bath when we got back...........and so did we! Well that's not fair.

We know that peeps get a bit low in January. Christmas is over but Spring still seems not quite within reach so we aim to cheer you all up. There were even more entries for last night's competition. The answer,of course, was that it was Peppa Pig! Oink!

So here's another photo comp for today. Look carefully at these photos of cakedog (yum yum), Jo, Mr Kipling and Indiana (in full flight -isn't she gorgeous?). What is the common link between these photos? Not the odd one out but the link between them. The answer is so obvious that we really ought to make these comps harder, to challenge you all more. Maybe tomorrow.....

The prize we hear you ask excitedly?

Generally speaking the prize is a luxury hamper full of .....yes you've guessed it....gravy bones unless you are Ann Davey, in which case the prize is us coming to stay for SIX weeks!

Good luck all. The female peep has taken to drink tonight. She's been playing tennis yesterday and today -we bet she can't move tomorrow (tee hee).

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxx    

January 29th at 15.14

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus...........packing

We are so excited. This afternoon we got our suitcases out and packed a variety of spare collars(assorted colours), our leads, a month's supply of gravy bones, some extra snacks for the journey, one dinosaur, one lamb in a onesie, one shark with no stuffing, one pig that we've not started on yet, four throws with holes in (think Swiss cheese), our ipad (cos we have to keep writing our diary) and our comfy beds....just in case they're needed. To be on the safe side, we've also popped in our ball (not the one from the rabbit hole), some pigs' ears and photos of Ben, Jester and the peeps, as we might miss them a little bit.

We've never been away from home before and we're certain that we're going to have a fabulous time with new things to chew, new walks, more food and new friends.

Where are we going we hear you ask?

Well, someone got the right answer to the quiz yesterday (well, came quite close but we're not fussy) so obviously we must honour our promise.

Who could it be?????? We bet you're all so trembly with excitement at the thought of us coming to stay. We're easy guests. We only require warmth, constant adoration, and more or less constant food, plus endless entertainment or else we will make our own........enough said.

So the moment has come to put you out of your misery, but, if it's not you, then don't be disappointed as we will come and see you as soon as we can. But for now, it's bonjour and hoorah as we head for France and Mary Butcher, who correctly pointed out that there were no labradors in the photos. Actually the correct correct answer was that WE weren't in the photos. And if you think that we said the prize was a luxury hamper of gravy bones, well it was but we ate we thought a prize with a more personal touch was more suitable.

For now a bientot!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxx

PS Mary- that sudden spur of the moment to move and not leave a forwarding address is understandable.....signed the female peep x  

January 30th at 21.14

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus............well schooled

Just back from school and as you can see, it was all too much for Hector. This was his first visit back to school as the female peep has been feigning illness for the last fortnight.

Ms Vi Merana was in her usual terrifying mood, foot long drools of saliva hanging from her canines, scraps of her last three meals stuck in her molars and occasional flames coming from her hairy ears. She introduced us to her latest member of staff - Bernie Smountaindog, a pugnacious fellow from the Cairngorms. We didn't like the look of him either. He apparently eats labradors for breakfast! Eeeeeeeeek!

There were new pupils too. Dane, well he was Great and Bertie the dachshund who was very good at hiding in small spaces to avoid having to do any of the exercises. The old faithfuls were there - Ella the border collie ( getting very good), Pip the naughty puppy and the chihuahua who is off for an intimate operation in a fortnight as he thinks all the furniture in his house is for the same use as lampposts.

It was hard work. We had to walk to heel, sit, stand, balance on one leg, clap our paws, fetch, leave, give, drop, come, go, lie down, smile, growl...... No wonder Hector is exhausted.

More tomorrow when we've more energy,

Love and licks H&R xxxxxx

Ps I was best, signed Rufus

PPS actually I was signed Hector

The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus December 2014