The Official Website  for Carol Margaret Tetlow

`1st of September at 21.00

The very very very secret diary of Hector..................having a sob

I'm hiding in a corner,

thinking up some verse

I've drawn a veil over school last night

I couldn't have been much worse.

I wouldn't sit, I wouldn't stay

There was no way I'd lie still

So by half way through the class

The female peep was feeling ill.

My dodecahedral retrieve

Usually the highlight of the day

Turned into something awful

Because I went the wrong way.

I didn't want to socialise

The other dogs all gelled

And now I'm worried that next week

I'm afraid I'll be expelled.

My brother wasn't brilliant

But he didn't get a rocket

He did as asked while all I did

Was look in the female peep's pocket (that's where she keeps her treats -but I didn't get many last night)

So now I'm in detention

Ms Vi Merana says

I've to write a thousand lines

On the error of my ways.

I hope you're not all crying

After listening to my moans

I know what'll make me better

Please, please send gravy bones......

Love and apologies Hector xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 6th at 21.05

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.............reminiscing

Last night, after the Great British Bark Off, the excitement (and hunger) was such that we got out our box of memories and found this. Just a year ago, we were, as the cutest puppies imaginable, already showing signs of cunning, initiative and enormous intelligence (please note, Ms Vi Merana). We think that it was probably on this very occasion that the peeps realised just what they were up against and it is fair to say that their lives have never been the same since.

However it is important that we get one fact straight. Never mind the appearance of weird crop circles, enormous holes have been appearing in the flower beds at Lamb Hill and needless to say we were labelled immediately as prime suspects. No matter how we pleaded not guilty and showed our soil-free paws, we were given that unconvinced look.

But! Ha! The very next day, an elderly blonde labrador called Jester was caught in the act! Which just goes to show that her look of innocence is not all it's cracked up to be. We must ask her how she does it!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS we will be leaving soon to get as far away from here as possible before school tomorrow.

August 11th at 20.35

The secret dairy (yoghurt anyone?) of Hector and Rufus...................terrified

just when we thought we had escaped the vigorous and strict training schedule of Ms Vi Merana than she sends around the heavy mob to work on our training.

We'd had such a lovely morning, being positively full of the joys, jumping through the long grass and bathing in the black lagoon. Can a black dog get any blacker? According to the female peep, they can.

So after a quick shower bath, we watched while Jo the pony had his lesson and then sauntered back up to the house, only to find a whole new dimension added to our training regime.

Look how quickly he gets results!

The female peep is still under sedation with shock.

Like putty in his paws, we acquiesced without a fight or even without a gravy bone.

We just hope he doesn't take us to school on Friday, otherwise we'll never live it down.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 12th at 22.06

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..................wishing we weren't black on this hot day

To quote the female peep we had one of the 'worst walks ever' this morning. We prefer to refer to it as interesting and not for the faint hearted..

To start with, Jester decided that she would come with us. She was out like a flash to the car and squeezed in the back with us. Noah also decided to come with us but he had his own seat.

We parked at the river. Before we had gone 20 yards, we had lost one ball, lost the badges off Noah's hat, lost a lead and Jester had got stuck at the bottom of the bank having been for a swim and the female peep got soaked rescuing her.

After the sort of distance that is suitable for a mature blonde labrador, attempts were made to divide the party into two. Young dogs and female peep to go forward, male peep and Jester to return to the car. Jester promptly sat down and refused to move until she was allowed to go with the others. By this time Noah was wet, dirty and had handfuls of stones and amoebae that he had picked up along the way. Then we all -apart from the male peep, who seemed to be laughing behind the camera (surely not) went paddling in the river and wobbled on the stones. Heartless characters on the river bank were willing us to fall in! Huh!

On our return, Ms Vi Merana's protege gave Hector another gruelling training session -see photo. You can see how pleased Hector was....

The other photo is of our other visitor, Alfie. What a handsome chap! He wasn't very well when he arrive but is looking and feeling much better now and even had an attempt at cat baiting (albeit brief).

Sadly, he also likes gravy bones....but we don't mind sharing with a good chum like him.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 13th at 18.32

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..................a tad disappointed

Somebody - we forget who - said there was going to be a meatier shower last night. We sat up til all hours on our patio, completely ignoring our usual pastime of destruction and all we saw were a few meteors. Not a sign of a lamb chop or even a handful of minced beef.

As a result, we woke late this morning and were only just out of our beds when the female peep came for us, hence missing out on our morning ritual of tunnelling our way under the fence (this is actually going quite well and the peeps haven't noticed yet -another couple of days and we'll be free!)

We very much enjoyed this week's episode of the Great British Bark Off but couldn't understand why nobody did a nice gingerbread kennel full of gravy bones. That Paul Colliewood would have liked that, we're sure.

However we've got Strictly Come Dancing to look forward though have our suspicions that Jeremy Vi Merana might be a relative of know who. But we do love Anton Du Bark.

Time to start harassing for our tea.....

love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS how did those cats get there?

August 15th at 21.10

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus.......look out Tom Dalymation, Rufus is coming to get you!

Flushed with the feel of sunshine on our backs after a most day of rain yesterday, we were delighted to swalk this morning and as this little vignette shows, Rufus was particularly happy. You can almost hear him shout 'Jeronimo!' as he leaps from the bank but his cry of joy is drowned out by a maniacal laugh from the bank from an unknown source....................but we think it might be the male peep.

We had a really good time at school last night and were on the whole quite well behaved. Ms Vi Merana, in a lime green crinoline and a shepherdess's crook (to haul wayward pupils into line), had had her hair crimped and her ringlets fell like tendrils of prime minced beef. The sabre toothed tiger puppy is now the size of a sideboard, but better looking (though we did hear that it had been very naughty and eaten its owners sandwiches the other day.) There was a new blonde there, Meg, who we took a particular shine to but she was in the beginners class so no sooner had we exchanged eskimo nose rubs and she had to go home. Ms Vi Merana was in a particularly kind mood and kept throwing treats onto the floor. We were supposed to ignore them but Hector found a new skill to add to his CV of hoovering them up when nobody was looking and then looking completely innocent.

Time for a quick snooze now - the male peep's having one, so it must be okay.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 18th at 21.55

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus...................bored

It's raining hard, we've had our swalk

The female peep would stop and talk

To other peeps, to one and all

When really she should've been throwing our ball.

So now we're home and really bored

We've had a snooze and been adored

We're up to mischief, full of fun

Let's hope noone finds out just what we've done.

We've leapt on chairs and on the table

Played crocodiles for all we're able

Attacked the duvet, tossed the pillows

Curled up small like armadillos (Rufus thought of this rhyme- it was difficult)

The carpet's scorched from where we've chased

We forgot to wipe paws in our haste.

Ben's got our bed, he's standing puffing

Waiting for us to help pull out the stuffing.

Jester's very itchy, because the poor thing's moulting

The amount of hair she leaves around is really quite revolting.(and it's blocked the hoover!)

Alfie's coming on a treat, he's looking good as new,

He's found the secret antidote -a snack of donkey poo.

We wish it would stop raining so we could go outside,

It's been a day when we couldn't have been naughtier if we'd tried

The female peep is getting up, she's off to make a cuppa

We'd better remind her now there's only 2 hours, 44 minutes and 33 seconds to our supper.

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 19th at 19.58

Dear Ms Vi Merana,

I wanted to thank you for introducing Hector and Rufus to the concept of 'search'. On your instructions, we have duly hidden objects that are dear to them (one small stuffed donkey and one rope starfish) and sent them off to find them.

As a result, we have rediscovered three forks, two teaspoons, one cereal bowl, four socks (not matching), one crumpled jumper, three shoes (not matching), two chew sticks (forgotten), an unopened letter (luckily not important), Hector's collar that Rufus removed some months ago, one dehydrated mouse corpse and coins to the value of £3.74.

Sadly, despite all these new possessions, there is no sign of the stuffed donkey or the rope starfish.

How do we find them please? Any ideas?

Yours in all sincerity

F Peep (The)

August 21st at 14.26

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus..................still no sign of the rope starfish or stuffed donkey, despite much searching

Having an uncharacteristically subdued 5 minutes and trying to get used to the rather girlie covers that the female peep has painstakingly created (only three plasters on left hand, two on right from needlestick injuries) for our much chewed beds. She has just put them down for us so at precisely 1415h on August 21st 2015, the clock started ticking to see how long they last. It is kind, however we cannot deny, of the peeps to donate their duvet cover, even though it has been banished to the back of the cupboard because of indelible paw marks (we can't think whose those are, probably the cats').

The male peep, who is in disgrace has taken the female peep's car to the garage. The other day, he backed it out of the garage here and inadvertently left one of the wing mirrors in the garage. It was a hard one to call - which was loudest? His cry of despair or the metallic snapping noise followed by crunching.

We have swalked this morning after some Spanish holidaymakers came to talk to the donkeys. We made ourselves very labradorable. The ball count this week has been reasonable, even though we say it ourselves. Starting count 10, end count 3. Balls refound 4, balls lost again 4.

Tonight there is school and we are worried that this close and thundery weather may have a deleterious effect on Ms Vi Merana's temper and she may expect the dodecahedral retrieve to be done with blindfolds on (us, not her).

Here we are taking life easily, apart from Hector that is, who either has high aspirations in life or has just seen a mouse ( or possibly the sabre toothed tiger puppy).

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 22nd at 21.05

The secret diary of Hector and love, again

Trying to take our minds off by watching Indiana Bones but nothing can obliterate the memory of the vision of loveliness that came to our class at school last night.

Lola - such a melodic and romantic name. Someone should write a song. How our skin tingled as we rubbed noses with her (though that could have been the nettles we ran through earlier). How smitten were we when her walnut brown eyes met ours? How delicately she accepted a gravy bone. Perfection personified. She's a smaller version of us, beauteous where we are handsome (though we say so ourselves) and she's only 6 months old. There is one teeny tiny problem though -she is much better than we are! More practice is called for, we fear.

Yesterday evening, we were very happy doing our off lead work until, Ms Vi Merana had the exquisitely evil idea of making all the peeps swap dogs. Well, there was no way that we were walking next to strangers! We ran back across the room to our very own peeps and shook. Sadly Lola did this exercise perfectly.

The sabre toothed tiger puppy is getting it's adult teeth! Soon it will have fangs bigger than Ms Merana herself. Eeek! It's now the size of a double decker bus (well almost)

If our writing looks wobbly, it's because the house is shaking as Ben trembles in his 'it's about to thunder' panic. Oh lawks, Jester's worrying now as well and it's getting very dark.

More soon,

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS we would write a poem about Lola but so far we can only think of ebola as a rhyme which doesn't seem fitting.

August 25th at 15.22

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus................having a rest after wrecking the sofa cushions - again

Whoopedoo! The male peep is away! This means the female peep is so exhausted with all the work she has to do (plus all the revision for the quiz on Thursday - go Team Labracadabra), she has no time to notice our japes and scrapes and by the time she finds the fall out from our robust and vigorous crocodiling, we have assumed expressions of such innocence that she is completely bemused and blames Mr Kipling.

It is still very muggy here but the thunderometer (aka Ben) is neither trembling or under the table, so we assume no storms are imminent.

Alfie has gone home - we waved him off with a tear in our eye as we'd almost persuaded him to stand in for one of us at school. He drives a hard bargain though - the best bed and 200 gravy bones and all the left over chop bones. Ms Vi Merana would never have noticed - he's only 6 inches smaller than us and well behaved.

We are, of course, helping while the male peep is away. We stand in the water buckets and splash and have fights in the straw and shavings while the mucking out is going on. We taste the ponies' food to make sure it's suitable and taste the droppings to make sure their digestive systems are working. We're not allowed in the donkey field - apparently some of them are not to be trusted with us, so we are, in truth, a teeny weeny bit scared.

Here's a photo of Ben's wobbly lips! And one of the corner of the kitchen after we'd tidied up. The female peep was so impressed, she was lost for words!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 26th at 16.55

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus...................on National Dog Day,celebrating.

A day to be marked appropriately and we are always happy to have an excuse to be extra joyful.

Started our day with cocoa pups, sausages, bacon, fried bread and more sausages.

Had a swalk with some dog friends and met Grace, the Great Dane from school! We chased her as fast we could and at one point she actually had to break into a trot! She wouldn't swim though - not even get her toenails wet.

Back home for lunch - mixed grrrrrrrill -lamb chops, pork chops, gravy bones, sausages, liver and rump steak ie a small snack to sustain us through the afternoon until afternoon tea time (we had of course had elevenses in the morning.)

This afternoon, inspired by Team GB athletics, we have upped our training regime and invented a new game called 'how fast can you run round the inside of the house, including all rooms and then hide behind the bushes in the garden?' We might change the title of this game which we fear is a little cumbersome and lengthy. We're hoping that it will be included in next year's Olympics.

This, of course has given us a splendid appetite for our tea, which we think is going to be T bone steak,meat balls, chicken pie and giblets, served with a rich jus and gravy bones. The female peep has told us we're getting meat and biscuits as usual - she does like to joke with us. She says we have very vivid imaginations when it comes to food.....

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

August 28th at 19.38

The secret diary of Hector and Rufus......feeling empathic

The female peep has turned into a whirling dervish. She is a blur before us, whizzing about, preparing for visitors and preparing for taking Jo the Pony to a show tomorrow. We note, with disgust that there are no dog classes -harrumph!

Always on the tips of our toenails,ready to take advantage, we need to take advantage of her frenetic baking, polishing, cleaning, housework, hoovering up all the tufts that Jester is casting on a minute by minute basis, we have come up with a cunning ruse. She has already stated that she cannot possibly go to school, with so many jobs left to do, so being closely entwined brothers, we would hate it if one of us advanced more than the other at Ms Vi Merana's academy for wayward woofs.

So we're both hiding but Rufus has left a decoy (see photo) ready and waiting to go to school. Will he notice? Will Ms Vi Merana notice? Watch this space......

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxxx

PS Glory be! He's taken Ben!!!!!!

August 29 at 19.49

This is a particularly secret page from Therco and Frusu's diary................and only a select few may read it

Last night, after bribing Ben with the promise of six gravy bones and fifteen minutes on the female peep's lap, he took our place at school. While we were on the sofa at home with the busy female peep, he had to sit, lie down, swing on a trapeze, balance a T bone steak on his nose (we don't do that exercise very often as it tends to be quite expensive as we have to have lots of gos) and retrieve. And the best news of all, is that Ms Vi Merana (in lycra pencil skirt, polo neck aran jumper and scarlet wedges must have forgotten her pince-nez as she didn't notice that an imposter was in her midst! Nor did the sabre tooth tiger puppy! If the male peep hadn't confessed on leaving, the secret would have been safe forever (and Ben could have continued going to school forever).

Well done Ben, we love you even more.

Well done Jo the pony for coming third in the driving at Wensleydale show on only his second outing but no marks to the peeps for leaving us at home when it turned out there were dog classes, so we could have gone too!.

love and licks from Therco and Frusu (we'd not like anyone to identify us)

PS the photo today is of our hero.

August 30th at 15.07

The secret diary of Hector and innocent as the day they were born.

Well, the first lot of visitors are packing up to go (nothing to do with us, we hasten to add) and we await the arrival of the next ones, who haven't met us before, so that should be fun! In an attempt (ha ha -they should know better) the peeps have walked us extensively this morning but a quick power nap should do it and we'll be ready to teach the new visitors the finer points of crocodiles and hope that they join in.

Against our better judgement (because obviously we like to post photos of ourselves), today's photo is one of Jo the pony at Wensleydale show yesterday, as promised. Our new mission is to seek out and eat that hat! Adorned with a feather, we are fairly sure that the hatband is made of pheasant sausages. There were rather a lot of dogs following the female peep yesterday as she walked round the showground, obviously having picked up the scent.

While they were at the show, a mature, farmer like chap, smoking a pipe came up to them and said, 'I recognised you from last year. I've never got over being beaten by a blo***y donkey.' Ha ha -go Fergus!

Love and licks H&R xxxxxxxx

August 31st at 16.30

The secret poetry book of Hector and Rufus.........rhyming rubbish

It's been such a busy weekend

Visitors by the score

We've been on our best behaviour

Best smiles to the fore.

The female peep's been cooking

Cakes and pies and crumble

We've stood beside her all the while

Our tummies all a-rumble

The best bit was when she roasted

A chicken the size of two thrones

And we got all the best bits

The remnants, skin but not the bones (cos cooked chicken bones are bad for us dogs).

We've played and walked and swam

Given visitors a paw

In the hopes they won't forget us ( if.......)

And come and see us more

We love the ones who come to stay

Those who just have a cuppa

Those who come to have some lunch

And those who stay for supper

We love the ones with lots of clothes

The ones with mobile phones

But best of all are the ones who bring

A box of gravy bones........................Thank you David and Pam xxx

Love and licks and crumbs H&R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Secret Diaries of Hector and Rufus August 2015